Pursuing or Pestering?

"Women want to be pursued," said a relationship expert at a single adult fireside I attended a couple of years ago. "So, you men? You need to do the pursuing."

I'm paraphrasing here, but that was certainly one of the main points of her presentation.

Very well, then; pursuit is the name of the game. And pursuing requires at least a degree of aggressiveness, does it not? You can't be passive and, at the same time, pursue. So, when does pursuing cross the line and become perceived as stalking?

There can be a very fine line between the two, ¿no es cierto?

Admittedly, this concept is at the forefront of my brain since I recently read this blog post, titled "How to Not Be the Mr. Collins of Your Singles Ward."

Poor Mr. Collins. He has no idea just how creepy and unpleasant he is perceived to be.

Sometimes, I fear that too many of us males, in our sincere but imperfect efforts to pursue, are perceived to be Mr. Collins rather than Mr. Darcy. Jane Austen has set the bar pretty high. It all begs the question: How do you pursue aggressively and yet not come across as a Mr. Collins type of guy?

I've been somewhat paranoid since reading that blog post. For me, it has raised more questions than it has answered. How do you give someone else "space" while, conversely, not appearing to be aloof or disinterested? I've been walking on eggshells on the Island of Misfit Toys since. In addition, might there be a fine line between being perceived as a loveable goofball or a dopey, inept, boring, annoying Mr. Collins?

I don't know the answers. I'm asking these questions out into the lifeless void tonight. There's something about rejection that makes you feel like you know nothing and have learned nothing and it's time to scrap it all anyway and start over with a new game plan.

One factor that I am certain plays into it: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, just as behavior can be perceived as repulsive or creepy. For some couples who hit it off on the first date and become twitterpated, going on a second or a third or even a fourth date later that week is heaven on Earth. For others, well, the woman would never talk to you again if you asked her for a second date any earlier than a week later.

The rest is . . . well, a mystery.