Getting Mad?

"Mad Hatter: 'Have I gone mad?'
Alice: 'I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret: All the best people are.'"
 -Tim Burton's Johnny Depp Starring as the Mad Hatter of Wonderland, Also Featuring a Character Named Alice Sometimes, but Mostly Johnny Depp: Electric Boogaloo, 2 Furious, Etc., Etc.

Some years ago, I came home from a day of school and then work to the news that one of my younger siblings had become engaged to be married to the person who is now my sister-in-law. After springing the news on me, this person's next question surprised me: "Are you mad?"

I say that this question was surprising because, well, the term mad never entered my brain at any stage in the process. This person, of course, did not mean mad in the Mad Hatter sense of mad, but the angry kind of mad.

Are older siblings supposed to get mad when a younger sibling ties the knot? I tried to consult the sibling handbook and couldn't find anything.

I suppose this happens sometimes for some people. If it didn't, we wouldn't have a number of Lifetime movies on the subject of the fury of a woman scorned and then going bat-crud crazy, or of a man who's some weirdo psycho stalker creep who rummages through a girl's trash and then places her discarded yogurt cups under his pillow when he goes to sleep at night.

As we head in to the Valentine's Day season (yes, folks, it's already coming), I've begun to see some cynicism creep up from my fellow single adults about the whole messy thing. And I understand where they're coming from. I get it, because I've wandered into places like that. I've glanced at others finding sought-for happiness and then compared myself to the situation, feeling lonelier still.

It's not very constructive. There's so much anger, cynicism, and negativity floating around out there in the world, and this is not a pleasant place to linger long(er).

When all is said and done, however, it does my heart and my soul a great deal of good to see family members, friends, and acquaintances find what they're desiring most, and it is especially heartwarming to see it among my fellow mid-singles. These are some of my very favorite things to see on my social media feeds. At these times, I am far, far from mad. Yes, even Paco is a bit of a romantic at heart at times like these.

President Boyd K. Packer taught:

"Watched over by a kind and loving Heavenly Father, (we) will not, in the eternal pattern of things, be denied blessings necessary for (our) exaltation, including marriage and family. And it will be sweeter still because of the waiting and the longing."

Take heart, my friends. If they're not currently visible in your life, I believe that great things are around the corner for us all if we keep moving forward in all of the faith and patience we can muster, even if it's just a centimeter or two ahead some days.

Am I bonkers, though? The answer to that question is easy for those who know me best. Stay tuned for a blog post on that . . . sometime.

Timing

"Time travels in divers paces with divers persons."
 -William Shakespeare

It's been nearly a year now (and I feel like the time is right to finally mention) since one of the members of the bishopric of the Island of Misfit Toys approached me after our Sunday meetings had concluded and asked if I had a few minutes to meet with him. This got my Paco senses tingling, to borrow a phrase, and I immediately began wondering what would be coming my way.

He proceeded to issue me a new calling in the ward, which I expected. What I didn't expect was the calling itself; it was one for which I would need to pray about the selection of a couple of counselors and a secretary. This, in fact, was my first time dealing with these circumstances since I was called as deacons quorum president a long time ago and in a galaxy far, far away. So to speak.

At the same time this conversation took place, however, I was also dealing with some health challenges that were causing me a great deal of physical and mental distress. I do not need to go over those details again, but suffice me to say that, for the first time in my life, I could give only a qualified yes as an answer. Both physically and mentally, I was utterly drained and was hanging by the end of my rope, yet I I told him would accept the calling and desired with all of my heart to do a good job at it.

President J. Reuben Clark counseled: "In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, one takes the place to which one is duly called, which place one neither seeks nor declines."

I thought over the matter for several days, and some names came to mind. For the aforementioned reasons, though, it was an agonizing series of days that stretched into a week, and then two and three. This bishopric counselor regularly checked in with me over that time period, not pressuring me nor demanding an answer but following up with me with patience.

Ultimately, I reached a point at which the issues I faced my anxiety and its accompanying side effects outweighed the struggle of the physical problem both my doctor and a second opinion were unable to diagnose. I reached a point at which I could not sleep well nor could I eat much if anything, and when I awoke in the mornings, I was filled with dread.

While I was at a family function, this bishopric member called me up on my cell phone, and I went outside to talk with him. I knew that the time had come to make a decision.

"I don't think I can do it," I told him. Inside, I was in shambles. I had reached the end of my rope and fallen off of it, to boot. "I have never said no to a calling. But I just can't do this right now."

With all of the love of a shepherd for his flock, this wise man, I believe, responded perfectly. He assured me that I had no reason to worry nor to feel guilty about it, that he and the bishopric knew of my struggles and were praying for me by name, and he also responded with wisely chosen words that have stayed with me since: "You didn't turn anything down. The calling was always right. It just wasn't the right time."

Over the next several days, one of my doctors, in what I believe was a direct answer to prayer, sent me to the hospital for a test that diagnosed my problem, and within a few days, my physical symptoms abated as my anxiety dissipated. Life got back to "normal," or at least the sense of normal I had at the time. With immense gratitude, I thanked the Lord for guiding me out of the darkness.

In the coming weeks, I watched in sacrament meeting as another was sustained to the calling I had initially been given, and I raised my hand in support of him and the new presidency. And I meant it. Through it all, I actually retained the elders quorum instructor calling, which I have now held for nearly three years (first given to me when the ward was in its infancy). It has been a tremendous blessing and has given me an opportunity to serve. If the lesson is not lost on me, hopefully it has also given me empathy to understand better the burdens others carry.

My point in sharing this experience is twofold. First, I testify from personal experience that issues with anxiety and/or depression, which can reach a point where they feel out of our control, do get better. Secondly, my experience taught me that the time is not always right for some things, even though our desires are righteous or we give our full effort.

Elder Neal A. Maxwell taught: "Since the Lord wants a people 'tried in all things' (D&C 136:31), how specifically will we be tried? He tells us, I will try the faith and the patience of my people (see Mosiah 23:21). Since faith in the timing of the Lord may be tried, let us learn to say not only, 'Thy will be done,' but patiently also, 'Thy timing be done.'"

The issues for which timing plays a part are myriad, be they work opportunities, health challenges, any number of crises of faith, and even (dare I say it?) dating. Believe you me, those of us who inhabit the Island of Misfit Toys, which by rule consists of single adults age 31 and older, know the struggle as well as anybody.

Sometimes, the answer is even that the timing is right now and things should happen as speedily as possible. I believe this is the case when spiritual promptings are given; often, the urging is to do that very thing right away, or it will be too late.

D&C 111:11 reads: "I will order all things for your good, as fast as ye are able to receive them" (emphasis added).

I heard these words clearly in my mind one night years ago when a sister I home taught in the YSA ward approached me for a blessing. At the time, she was sought for confirmation and peace of mind as she moved ahead with a romantic relationship. I know those words did not come from me. In the weeks that followed, I was amazed at just how quickly things moved forward for her.

In summation, just because things haven't happened yet doesn't mean that the Lord doesn't have great blessings in store. His timing is known to Him only. But I believe a day will come when we will look back on our lives and we will see the pattern of things that unfolded and, in it, His infinite wisdom and His endless love.

Improvables: Eighth Anniversary Show

Reunited, and it feels so good!

The wonderful people of my improv troupe and I held our annual reunion/anniversary show last weekend, and it was a fantastic night. We welcomed back Brittney, Ian, Ryan, Scott, and my siblings Biz (her first appearance in five years!) and Steve, who all attended and took part.

And there was much rejoicing.

'Twas the Night before Inauguration

This is one of those rare times I'm going to share a political message. Fortunately, it's a short one.

Tomorrow at 10:00 a.m. MST, just over nine hours from now, Donald J. Trump will be sworn in as the 45th president of the United States. Meanwhile, other people will just plain swear.

What am I going to do during the Trump years?

I'll try to do what I've done during every other president's administration during my lifetime: support him if/when he's right and oppose him if/when he's wrong.

I also realize he really couldn't care less whether I watch the ceremony on TV or if I boycott it. It won't ultimately matter whether I protest the election from here to Puerto Rico or run around like Chicken Little, shouting that the sky is falling. Even if I did watch the inauguration, I would mainly be looking out and praying for the two Apostles who will be attending the service and also for my friends in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and the Piano Guys (Steve was the editor of a publication I wrote for in college; Jon was my ward's high councilman) in their performances.

We had the chance to vote a couple of months ago. That is where my "say" in all of this ended. Regardless of who won, I knew then and know now that I would still look to Pres. Thomas S. Monson above anyone else on Earth for the guidance that I really need to help me in my day-to-day living.

What I can control now, however, is which kinds of contributions I make to my family, my workplace, my ward, my neighborhood, and my community. My attitude from here on out is 100 percent up to me. So is what I do about that attitude.

To quote the great Jason Mraz: "I won't worry my life away."

Family Dinner/January 2017

It's both a new month and a new year (did ya hear?), and we recently held the first dinner and family birthday party of 2017. Dallin turned 17 years old last week, and Jessica's birthday is coming up on the 30th.

"Giving Back to the Community"

I'm not sure if I've already mentioned this here on Paco Nation, but I'm a self-employed writer who also has many leather-bound books and whose apartment smells of rich mahogany.

Seriously, though, I recently wrote this piece for my friends at MannMade Innovations, which was published on their company blog and shared on social media:

So, I'm sharing it with you here. The folks at MannMade are not only wonderful people, but they're also doing some great things in their company, both during and after business hours.

Baby, It's Cold Outside

Winter, amirite?

Blank Space

Even though we keep track of time second by second, minute by minute, and so on, science tells us it's all relative.

Nevertheless, I love the concept of beginning a new year. I love the day when I start to fill out an empty calendar with events, birthdays, social gatherings, and so forth. I love the very concept of new beginnings.

The bishop said as much yesterday on the Island of Misfit Toys in his sermon to lead off the new year. For me, one of the key concepts in the gospel of Jesus Christ is that of new beginnings. We get that chance each week with the sacrament of the Lord's supper. We get new chances during the week as we earnestly pray for new strength and opportunities to become better through the Atonement. We get those moments throughout the day if we will look around and see them in the people we interact with, the places we go, and the choices we make. The tender mercies are abundant.

Through social media, you couldn't help observe over the last few weeks that many people have come to the conclusion that 2016 was a a no-good, horrible, very bad year. If you look for them, you'll find the reasons why the glass was half-empty. I am grateful for the many who have also shared, conversely, the reasons why the past year was one of great blessings, as well.

As for myself, I have tried to put my focus on the latter. I've mentioned some of the difficult circumstances I faced in 2016 here on Paco Nation, and I don't think I really need to bring them up again at this point. Let them stay in the past.

Some solid truths I know about where I was 366 days ago versus where I am now: I began 2016 breathing in and breathing out, with a roof over my head, food to eat, a warm bed to sleep in, work to fill my days, enjoyable hobbies to fill my nights and weekends, people who care for me, people to serve, and things to accomplish. Those very basic things, the bare necessities, are everything.

As I look out on the still-very-blank space that is the year 2017, I wonder: What will happen this year? Will it be better than 2016 was? Worse? Will I accomplish bigger and better things? Will I get stuck in a rut? Will trials come my way? Will I have to undergo another unexpected surgery, or will I get healthier this year? Will my unexpected change in employment open new doors for me? Will death strike others who are close to me or close to my friends? Will new lives, including new children (nieces and nephews), enter on the stage? Will the person I've prayed and hoped for make herself known? An even better question: Will I become the kind of person who attracts such a person? Will President Trump get us all sucked down to the tenth level of hell? Or we will he (or at least the people in his cabinet) surprise us all and be better than everyone fears? Is whatever happens on Temple Square or in my house far more important than what takes place in the White House? Can I focus on what I can control rather than the many things out of my control that, in the past, have caused me grief?

My answer to all of the above is yes. It will be what we make of it. I'm grateful to have each of you along for the journey.