Paco Reviews: "Morbius"

Every once in a while, a sibling or extended family member or co-worker or the guy taking my order at Apollo Burger will stop me and say, "Hey, Paco! Have you seen the latest movie? You go to the movies a lot; is this one worth seeing in the theater? on DVD? when it comes to Hulu? or ... never ever?"

I'm happy to oblige, because I love movies, and I have opinions about them. I love great movies, and I also like terrible movies, because they end up being unintentionally fun and offer a number of "Mystery Science Theater 3000"-worthy popcorn gallery comments. (I see the bad movies so you don't have to ... unless you want to.) The mediocre movies—those that are neither great nor terrible—don't do much for me.

Anyhow, I go to our nearby theater frequently. The seats are comfortable, the popcorn is always fresh, and the people who work there are nice, even when I spill my drink on the floors they've just swept and mopped. With my current work schedule, I actually have Tuesdays off, and all seats at the local Megaplex are just $5.95 on Tuesdays—be they luxury or 3D or even the motion sickness-inducing D-BOX ones (it was one-and-done for me with those). Depending on JB's work schedule, she'll sometimes go with me on Tuesday nights or over the weekend.

Being OCD like I am, I even keep track of the movies I've seen over the years. IMDB.com is not only a good source to look up trivia and other things about movies, but it also allows you to rate films you've seen, on a scale of 1 to 10 stars. Want to know what rating I gave Legally Blonde 2: Red, White and Blonde, which I saw in 2003 because my sister-in-law had free passes? (Answer: 2.) I have rated over 25,000 films and TV episodes; keep in mind that this is more than two decades' worth of viewing.

So anyway, this week's movie was Morbius, starring creepy dude Jared Leto as Dr. Michael Morbius. I remember Jared being the guy in Claire Danes's school that she had a mad crush on in 'My So-Called Life," which was a show I sometimes watched back in the '90s. These days ... not too sure about Jared being the hot guy. I saw him as a guest on Jimmy "Thank Goodness I Have Good Writers" Fallon's "Tonight Show" the other night when he stopped by to plug the movie, and he (Jared) kinda gave off the creepy vibe then, too. Maybe it's just me? The guy has won an Oscar, so take my opinion for whatever it may be worth.

Dr. Morbius is a gifted scientist. He even wins a Nobel Prize but, like a hipster, rejects it because hipster reasons. He also, unfortunately, has a terrible blood disorder that will severely limit his life span. His best buddy Milo, played by eleventh Doctor Who Matt Smith, also has this disease. Morbius finds something that apparently will work ... but it also turns him into a vampire Mr. Hyde, and then all heck breaks loose. Even more heck breaks loose when Milo injects himself unsupervised, and the two lifelong friends find each other on different ends of the good/bad spectrum. Morbius becomes a kind of Venom-like anti-hero and ultimately the only guy who can take down Milo.

If you're a Marvel fan, you may want to see Morbius to see where the story fits into the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU), which is now like 30+ movies and 10+ TV shows big and will basically conquer the world in a few years. Well, there are a few subtle references, like a copy of The Daily Bugle newspaper, plus a cameo at the end by (SPOILER ALERT) Adrian Toomes (Michael Keaton), aka the Vulture from Spider-Man: Homecoming.

Paco's IMDB rating: 4 out of 10

The Good: Fresh popcorn is always good when watching a flick. Matt Smith dances shirtless, if this does anything for you, ladies. It only cost me $5.95.

The Bad: It's very dark, it's violent. It's not quite as dark as The Batman, but it's nowhere near a feel-good movie. Morbius isn't necessarily a guy I want to root for; I felt more empathy toward Milo.

The Ugly: Rated PG-13 for violence, language, and excessive vampirism