For a number of years now (more than a decade, in fact), I've been a contractor for a local business. At some points, it's been my only job; at other times, it's been supplemental work. Over that time, I've had more than one "Will this ever become a full-time possibility?" conversation with the Powers That Be, and always the answer has been that there isn't enough work to warrant that happening.
Nevertheless, when they've asked me to do something, I have done it. When they've needed me in a pinch to meet a publishing deadline, I've dropped what I was doing multiple times to rearrange my schedule, often working around the clock to get my assignments done. When they've said "Jump!" I've asked "how high?" And to boot, I believe I've done so while being paid much less than others doing similar work in my field.
Well, just this past week, the same Powers That Be not only informed me that a whole team has been hired and has for some time now been working full-time doing the same work they used to send my way, but to add insult to injury, they also told me there probably wasn't anything else for me to do for them in the future. Essentially, they have disavowed my existence, not unlike how the government would disavow Tom Cruise were he ever to fail at his impossible mission.
It would be ungentlemanly of me to elaborate any further or to reveal names. This is where I'm at right now. I feel liked a used Kleenex and not in any sense a valued human being or employee.
In His Sermon on the Mount, the Savior spoke of "them which despitefully use you" (Matthew 5:44).
Incidentally, I was there at the Conference Center last month for the First Presidency's Christmas Devotional, just a few dozen rows back from President Russell M. Nelson when he spoke on this very topic:
"(The Lord) gave you and me an unlimited capacity to love. That includes the capacity to love the unlovable and those who not only do not love you but presently persecute you and despitefully use you."
Later on in the same talk, he added:
"Through His infinite Atonement, you can forgive those who have hurt you and who may never accept responsibility for their cruelty to you."It is usually easy to forgive one who sincerely and humbly seeks your forgiveness. But the Savior will grant you the ability to forgive anyone who has mistreated you in any way. Then their hurtful acts can no longer canker your soul."
Little did I know at that moment how much I needed to hear those words and to re-read them again tonight. My soul needs some serious un-cankering right now.
There is an old saying that another door opens when one door closes. I believe this is one of those times for me.
What does that mean, exactly? Well, the full phrase in the scripture, now that I read it again, is to "pray for them which despitefully use you." I can start there.
I also happened on this wise counsel from a friend on social media just the other day, and I believe it's the path that I now want to follow:
"Want to 'get back' at people that did wrong by you earlier in life?
1. Forgive them.
2. Don't show them how successful you are; show them how happy you are.
3. Wish them well, mean it and move on.
4. Repeat 1-3 for everyone on your 'wronged me' list."
It's the only path that make sense, and it's something I'm going to work hard at doing right now and throughout the year. It's good advice not only for work relationships but also for every other one, like dealing with exes, misunderstandings between friends, and the bullies who once made my life a living hell.
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