Dinner Party

For the first time in our married lives, we had guests over for dinner two Sundays ago: Mom, Ben, Adi, Christian and Graham. JB cooked a delicious meal, and we enjoyed a pleasant evening together.

We're working on getting better organized and on having other family members and friends over in the future, too. Who knows? This socializing thing just might stick with us.

Improvables: Davis Conference Center

On Monday night, I joined with fellow Improvables Cassie, Kelly, Megan, Richard, Ricky, and Truman in putting on a half-hour set, along with a number of other local performers, for the Evergreens Benefit (a fundraiser for a very worthy cause: victims of domestic violence) up at the Davis Conference Center.

I had never previously been to the DCC, and I was rather impressed with the facility. And oh, by the way, the fundraiser was a big success, and we were grateful to be a part of it.

Following our five-game set, we posed for pictures with Anna and Elsa (of the Disney movie Frozen, in case you've been living under a rock):

. . . and then Santa Claus:

The event was also a Christmas season kickoff (in case you've not gathered by this point). Though it was a little earlier in the season than I'm used to partaking in Christmas-type festivities, it was still a pretty fun evening.

Arbuckle Family Dinner/November 2018

On Sunday night, we gathered for Arbuckle family dinner in West Bountiful. (This will end up being our final family dinner in that home, as JB's parents have recently sold it and will soon be moving out into their newly constructed home out in Grantsville.)

Anyhow, we had a great time, as we always do over there. Here's JB and our nieces Kiera and Olivia, following dinner:

"Newsies"

Our niece McKenna, a sophomore at Davis High School in Kaysville, is currently appearing in her school's production of Disney's Newsies. We saw her perform in Saturday's matinee show.

It was obvious from her performance that she is acting her heart out and is having a wonderful time taking part in the musical.

SAD but Not Hopeless

With Daylight Saving Time ending this morning at 2:00 a.m., the sun set a whole lot earlier tonight. And it will continue to set earlier and earlier until the winter solstice in late December, just like it does every year.

With the shortening of days, not coincidentally there is also a higher occurrence of SAD (seasonal affective disorder) in people. As the length of days dwindles and we move closer into the winter, those who suffer from this illness can feel depressed most of the day, lose interest in activities, have low energy or problems sleeping, feel sluggish or agitated, have difficulty concentrating, or feel just hopeless, worthless, or guilty. Some even have frequent thoughts of death or suicide.

I know this because I just googled the term seasonal affective disorder and then found stuff on the Internet. Also, because I have suffered with SAD in years past, as well as with depression throughout the calendar year. I know how very difficult it can be. I've endured all of those symptoms.

There was even a time in my life in which I was so low that depression, coupled with a difficult physical challenge, consumed me to the point I thought there was no way I would recover from either. I remember once uttering the words out loud to a loved one: "I am not going to get better from this. This is going to kill me."

Yet here I am. I'm alive and kicking. Time and experience have helped me learn that horrible times pass, that you can and do get better, that therapies combined with positive daily thought patterns lead to healing.

And while I type this, I also realize at the same time that there are others who have had these same feelings and are no longer with us because they took their own lives.

This is why depression is such a dangerous illness: It makes you believe that this is a rational option, often that it is the one and only way out of your pain and anguish.

I've been to two funerals of friends who committed suicide. I've mourned and wept with their families. I miss them.

It's at times like these that I am reminded I need to talk, or at least blog, about this topic more. Because if I haven't learned empathy for others through my own experiences with depression, then the lessons I've learned have been wasted on me. Because it is so raw and real, my hopes in opening up about it are that it helps somebody, somehow.

Last year, when I was still on the Island of Misfit Toys, I gave a talk in sacrament meeting in which I talked briefly about my experiences with depression. Fast forward to just a few months ago, when JB and I went back to visit the ward on the night our old bishopric bid farewell after being released. I stopped to chat with an acquaintance from the ward who greeted me in the parking lot. He mentioned this talk of mine and told me how grateful he was that I had spoken about depression, because he was going through a really hard time at that time. He thanked me, and I was grateful for the feedback. I followed a prompting, and it made a difference to at least one person.

There is still such a stigma associated with depression. My hope is that by talking about it we can help diminish it.

Finally, and this is my last point for this post: I am among those who used to think, naively, that prophets and Apostles didn't deal with the kinds of problems and challenges we common folk have, and I've learned over the years that it just isn't true. They know far more about it than we think. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland spoke of this in a semi-recent general conference talk (one of the landmark addresses, I think, of the past decade) in which he addressed depression, reminding us that President George Albert Smith and a number of other prominent men and women have dealt with and are living with depression. Truly, God's rain falls "on the just and on the unjust" alike (Matthew 5:45).

While reading through the Old Testament this past week, I came across this passage in my study of the prophet Elijah:

"He himself went a day's journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a juniper tree: and he requested for himself that he might die; and said, It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life; for I am not better than my fathers" (1 Kings 19:4).

It sounds suspiciously to me like Elijah was depressed, even suicidal. He had to deal with one of the worst and most wicked kings of Israel, Ahab, and his infamous wife, Jezebel, and after much fighting and struggling with a populace that largely didn't believe in the things he tried to teach them, he came to the point at which he just wanted to die.

Fortunately, there is more to this story:

"And as he lay and slept under a juniper tree, behold, then an angel touched him, and said unto him, Arise and eat. And he looked, and behold, there was a cake baken on the coals, and a cruse of water at his head. And he did eat and drink, and laid him down again. And the angel of the Lord came again the second time, and touched him, and said, Arise and eat; because the journey is too great for thee" (1 Kings 19:5-7; emphasis added).

"The journey is too great for thee" is certainly a perfect way of describing just how hard it can get for those shouldering very heavy burdens, including the depressed.

I love this passage. We learn that, thousands of years before the TV show "Touched by an Angel," Elijah was literally touched by one, and it apparently saved his life (until he was later carried to heaven in a chariot of fire!).

Whose angel will you be? Whose life will you touch (even save?) with a small act of kindness? If you ever need one, family and friends, I am here for you, at any hour of the day, whatever your demons may be—be they depression or whatever else. If you're thinking you don't matter, you do. If you're contemplating leaving, please, please stay. You are loved, and you matter.

You matter so much that someone whose love surpasses us all suffered and died for you on the cross of Calvary. "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends" (John 3:16).

Kiera's Baptism

This afternoon, our eight-year-old niece Kieralee was baptized a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints by her father, Tyson. JB and I attended the very nice service at their stake center in Bountiful, along with my other in-laws.

Here's Kiera and JB after the service:

... and JB's brother Jeremy photobombing them in another shot:

My in-laws are pretty great people. We are very proud of Kiera, and we were happy to see her make the choice to follow the path of discipleship.

Ghosted

Being ghosted: It's a scary topic. Which is why I guess I am writing about it on Halloween. Also, JB is home sick, and we didn't go out partying anywhere tonight. So, I guess you could say I now fully belong to the Old, Boring, Married (OBM) crowd on holidays such as these.

Have you ever had someone "ghost" you? This is when a person, whatever his/her reasons, completely cuts off any and/or all communication with you and basically pretends like you either don't exist or never existed in the first place. In the same amount of time it took Thanos to snap his fingers, poof! You're dead and gone to them.

I have had this happen to more than once. Odds are, so have you.

Sooner or later, we all get unfriended on social media. The casual acquaintances, the people with whom I went on a date or two, that person I home taught for one month and I then got a new assignment, the person I worked with for three months' time 15 or so years ago---I don't mind it when these people consider me no longer worth keeping in their circle of friends. I understand that.

It's when the people I've known for years and years ghost me that I'm genuinely perplexed. (Fortunately, I no longer lose any sleep at all over the girls I dated who ghosted me. I'm happy to say that that part of my life is over and done with and six feet under.)

Recently, I was saddened to discover a friend I grew up with had severed me as a social media friend. This is someone with whom I grew up in the same ward, went all through elementary and high school, took part in several scouting activities---even someone whose family took me with them on a summer vacation out of state.

This friend and I disagree on a certain political, moral, and cultural issue. I don't know for certain but strongly suspect that this was his friendship dealbreaker.

I am reminded of the words of President John Taylor, who said:

"If there be trouble existing between me and anybody else, I would meet them half way, yes, I would meet them three quarters or even all of the way. I would feel like yielding; I would say, I do not want to quarrel, I want to be a Saint. I have set out for purity, virtue, brotherhood, and for obedience to the laws of God on earth, and for thrones and principalities and dominions in the eternal worlds, and I will not allow such paltry affairs to interfere with my prospects. I am for life, eternal lives and eternal exaltations in the kingdom of God."

In other words, I don't want to lose a friend over a simple disagreement. I am concerned with bigger fish to fry.

Though I wish to lose no friends through my social media posting, I nevertheless will continue to stand up for the things I believe in, things that I feel truly matter to me. Elder Kevin W. Pearson of the Seventy recently said of social media:

"Much of the content needed for websites and YouTube must come from independent sources ... and individual members of the Church. Your voices must be heard on social media, wherever you live.

"We must be a voice for truth. We must have the faith and courage to speak up and engage in social media in a positive, responsible, noncontentious and effective way. We can simply share what we know and believe with others" (emphasis added).

Admittedly, I am still figuring out the best ways to share things non-contentiously and effectively. I sometimes make mistakes. I realize I have not always picked and chosen my battles wisely, but I'm trying to do better at that and will continue to do so in the future. If we disagree on anything at any time, it's not personal, and it never will be. I will not ghost you for any reason, nor will I fail to hit my brakes if I see you crossing the street.

I'm also reminded at this moment that the aforementioned friend I've spoken of in this post is an exception to the rule; the vast majority still remain my friends regardless of our differences. If you're reading this, then congratulations, you're one of the ones who has stuck with me through thick and thin. I'm grateful for each of you.

And, by the way, your Halloween pictures and stories are awesome. Keep up the great work.