A Good and Faithful Servant

Like many of you, I've been saddened today by the news of the passing of Elder L. Tom Perry of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles from thyroid cancer. I will remember not only his distinctive, folksy, grandfatherly Cache Valley voice and delivery but also his fearless, powerful conference talks and testimony, fearlessly proclaiming the truths of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ and of the importance of the family in God's eternal plan.

During my lifetime, I had the opportunity to run into this man twice.

The first time I do not remember personally, for I was a toddler when it occurred. As my mom tells the story, my parents, older brother, next-youngest brother (who was a baby), and I attended our stake conference in Cheyenne, Wyoming, when we lived for a very brief time in western Nebraska. Elder Perry presided at this conference, and as he was leaving the building, he passed by my family. Looking at the young couple and their three young boys, he smiled and said (if I'm paraphrasing Mom correctly): "This little family right here is what the Church is all about."

The other encounter took place many years later when I was an employee at the Church Office Building. One day, I was eating lunch at the Chinese food place in the ZCMI (a department store that used to exist before City Creek) food court, something I was wont to do during the time I was employed at the COB. In between mouthfuls of my meal, I spotted Elder Perry walking by, and my eyes made contact with his. He winked and pointed his index finger at me as if he were firing a gun.

It was a brief but a memorable gesture. Why? Because the First Presidency and the Twelve are very, very busy people. It took only a split-second out of what I'm sure was his very busy schedule, but it made me feel like I was important, too. It is a memory that has stayed with me to this day.

I'm sure many of us have stories to tell about this good man, whether they be of inspirational messages that have taught important principles or of personal encounters like mine.

I'm grateful for this man's example and for his exemplary life. "Well done, thou good and faithful servant" (Matthew 25:23).

Issued Warnings

Twenty-three years, seven months, and eight days.

According to my estimation, that's how long I had been driving before being pulled over for the first time ever by a Bountiful City policeman Sunday while on the way to church.

My crime? I wasn't wearing my seatbelt.

I saw the lights flash in my rearview mirror, realized I had failed to buckle up in my rush to get where I was going early (seats in the chapel are becoming harder and harder to come by as the Island of Misfit Toys expands—now with nearly 600 members!), and I instantly knew that I was toast.

Well, it was a good run while it lasted.

Fortunately, the officer—Officer Plowman! (no relation)—was very kind and let me go with just a warning. My record of driving without a moving violation remains intact. Along with the warning, he gave me a very educational pamphlet with some harrowing data.

"If you or anyone in your vehicle aren't properly restrained," it read, "you can be issued a $45 citation."

The possibility of a fine sure gets your attention. But how about these statistics, which were also included:

"During the last five years, nearly half of fatalities on Utah's roads were unbuckled."
"Three out of four people ejected from the car in an accident perish."
"When the driver is belted, 87% of children also ride with a seatbelt. Be an example and buckle up."

Thank goodness for the warning. "It won't happen again, Officer," I assured him.

Then, as I went on my way and drove the rest of the distance to church, the thought that occurred to me was this: It's good to have warnings given, or else far-worse consequences are in store for ignoring the law or repeated violations. The consequences could be dire, indeed. My not wearing a seatbelt doesn't affect only me; it could be dangerous to others, as well.

Consider an oft-ignored or ridiculed warning such as this:


"We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets."

What a blessing it is to have prophets, seers, and revelators who can see the storms, both ongoing and forthcoming, and who warn us accordingly. They do so not to limit our choices or to have power or control over us but, because they both know that ultimate happiness is impossible through sin (see Alma 41:10) and they can see what is coming, they do so out of love and genuine, Christlike concern for all of God's children.

To ignore such a warning—well, the consequences could be dire, indeed.

Weekends, Holidays, and All Throughout May

"I before E, EXCEPT after C,
And when sounding like A, as in neighbor and weigh,
And on weekends and holidays and all throughout May,
And you'll always be wrong, NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY!"
 -Brian Regan

With some people, you just can't win. No matter what you do, no matter what you say, no matter how you act, and/or no matter how kindly you try to treat them, in spite of their rudeness and/or indifference, they will always be infallible, and you will always be a babbling idiot.

I have a co-worker like this right now. I've tried to get along with this person to the best of my ability. He never says simple, polite things such as "please" or "thank you." Whenever any kind of discrepancy, miscommunication, or other type of problem arises, he always sighs, frowns, shakes his head, and says something such as, "You people in the office!"

When this happens, I pick up my three-hole punch and smash in his teeth.

Actually, that's what I would do if left to my own devices and I weren't, in reality, the loveable, gentle, forgiving, humble soul you all know.

Have you ever dated a person who falls into the category of someone who always has to be right, and this at the expense of you always being wrong? I have, and it doesn't do much for your self-esteem to have this constantly going on.

Earlier today, I read something about Pres. Franklin D. Roosevelt and the fact that, apparently, from the outset of their marriage, his wife apparently criticized and belittled him for decades on end. My heart went out to the guy when I read that. Not a happy place to be, in spite of all of the philandering he took part in (which the book also discusses).

It's tough to turn the other cheek in these moments and while dealing with toxic people like these. But, often, it's really the only option. If you let it, something like this can spoil your entire day.

I'm trying not to let that happen, one encounter at a time. Throughout May and during the rest of the year, as well.

Pursuing or Pestering?

"Women want to be pursued," said a relationship expert at a single adult fireside I attended a couple of years ago. "So, you men? You need to do the pursuing."

I'm paraphrasing here, but that was certainly one of the main points of her presentation.

Very well, then; pursuit is the name of the game. And pursuing requires at least a degree of aggressiveness, does it not? You can't be passive and, at the same time, pursue. So, when does pursuing cross the line and become perceived as stalking?

There can be a very fine line between the two, ¿no es cierto?

Admittedly, this concept is at the forefront of my brain since I recently read this blog post, titled "How to Not Be the Mr. Collins of Your Singles Ward."

Poor Mr. Collins. He has no idea just how creepy and unpleasant he is perceived to be.

Sometimes, I fear that too many of us males, in our sincere but imperfect efforts to pursue, are perceived to be Mr. Collins rather than Mr. Darcy. Jane Austen has set the bar pretty high. It all begs the question: How do you pursue aggressively and yet not come across as a Mr. Collins type of guy?

I've been somewhat paranoid since reading that blog post. For me, it has raised more questions than it has answered. How do you give someone else "space" while, conversely, not appearing to be aloof or disinterested? I've been walking on eggshells on the Island of Misfit Toys since. In addition, might there be a fine line between being perceived as a loveable goofball or a dopey, inept, boring, annoying Mr. Collins?

I don't know the answers. I'm asking these questions out into the lifeless void tonight. There's something about rejection that makes you feel like you know nothing and have learned nothing and it's time to scrap it all anyway and start over with a new game plan.

One factor that I am certain plays into it: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, just as behavior can be perceived as repulsive or creepy. For some couples who hit it off on the first date and become twitterpated, going on a second or a third or even a fourth date later that week is heaven on Earth. For others, well, the woman would never talk to you again if you asked her for a second date any earlier than a week later.

The rest is . . . well, a mystery.

Everybody Loves a Clown, So Why Don't You?

Not long ago, a friend of mine asked me a question that caught me a little off guard. I don't remember his exact phrasing, but his inquiry went something like this: "You and the other guys in your troupe are pretty funny! I'll bet you all get tons of dates and are very popular with the ladies. A lot more than us regular guys do, don't you?"

After having a good chuckle until little snot bubbles emerged from my nostrils, I told him that no, we improvisers don't really have any secret advantage nor any extra special brownie points earned in the dating department.

As a matter of fact, I have dated girls who have actually confessed to me that they felt like they had wasted their entire evening by attending one of our shows, while others have attended a performance and then never spoken to me again. Another girl I dated came to a grand total of two shows over the course of our seven-month relationship, essentially demonstrating that she felt no different from the ones who felt like they had wasted their time.

I also recently learned that the FHE Committee in the ward surveyed my fellow ward members to ask what types of events they'd like to see scheduled as upcoming Monday night activities. One anonymous responder didn't suggest any activities he/she would like to see but, rather, wrote in big bold letters:

NO MORE IMPROVABLES!

Cruel, but honest.

No, my well-intentioned friend, there is no improvisers' privilege in the dating area. Like everybody else, we bleed if you prick us. We give our all on the stage and at workshops, but in the dating arena, we wonder about the future, feel doubt, heartbreak, and disappointment, and above all, we are just trying to figure things out as best as we can. Ultimately, we hope for and give the best we have, one date at a time.

Fight like a Brave

Everybody's been there, everybody's been stared down
By the enemy
Fallen for the fear and done some disappearing
Bow down to the mighty
Don't run, stop holding your tongue
Maybe there's a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is
 -Sara Bareilles, "Brave"

Last Sunday night, on the eve of the first anniversary of the formation of the Island of Misfit Toys (a whole year . . . wow), I attended a very thought-provoking fireside. And no, I'm not going to go into details here about the oddly titled book many of you have already seen a photo of me posing with on Facebook, something that was used as a prop by one of the speakers in this fireside.

One of the more-interesting points, at least to yours truly, was a brief discussion about the word: brave. And, in this context, I do not refer to my high school mascot, the Bountiful Brave.

Being brave and dating? They really go hand in hand?

Certainly they do, according to the speaker. You have to be brave to approach new people, strike up a conversation of some sort, and get to know them, something to precedes dating. And you have to be brave to call (not text) them on the phone to ask for a date in the first place.

But you also need to be brave when overcoming and bouncing back from fear and rejection. It's a sign of bravery to face rejection time and time again, to feel discouraged with the whole rotten process, like we all do now and then, and then to dust yourself off, to pick yourself up, and to keep on trying in the dating scene.

Cowardice never won over anyone else. Faint heart never won fair lady, according to the saying. Further, said the speaker, acting cowardly is not attractive, either. Being brave doesn't entail the absence of fear but, rather, acting and moving forward in spite of the fear that nags and pesters.

Gratitude amid Chaos

During my travels out on the streets today, I saw something that affected me deeply. It is an image that has haunted me all day long. And I expect it will be in my thoughts for months, if not years, to come.

It was something that I caught a glimpse of for only about three or four seconds, because as much as we like to rubberneck and stare at things that have gone boom out there on the roads, traffic, like the show, must go on.

What I saw was several different things going on at once: At the scene of a car accident, where one vehicle had collided violently into another, a half-block or so from where I pulled from a parking lot out onto the street to head the opposite direction, a person lay there, motionless, on the ground. A paramedic was performing CPR, working frantically over the motionless person, while another obviously emotionally distressed family member or friend sat inconsolably nearby, being attended by another medical professional. It all happened right out there on the asphalt, in the middle of the street. A police officer, I believe, was working to restore order where there was, for the moment, chaos.

There but for fortune, as the old saying goes, that person lying there helpless could have been you or me or any one of us. Sometimes, it feels like we're stuck in a game of dodgeball, and the ball can strike indiscriminately and without regard for who you are or where in your journey you're at—literally or figuratively.

I said a little prayer for that helpless person, the grieving family member, and those who rushed to aid. I hope the scene ended better than how I left it. Which was all any bystander could do at that moment.

I am grateful for the reminder of what is really important here in this mortal existence—to see people giving their very best like that in a moment when fate had handed someone one of life's worst blows. I'm grateful for people who respond to calls like that, doing a job under enormous pressure that I could never, ever do.

It's a roundabout way of saying it, but amid all of the junk and click bait and jokes and memes and everything else that clutters up our collective online experience, I take this little space in which I write tonight to express gratitude for the good, the bad, and the ugly that can make up this mortal existence. If we can recognize the lessons when they are presented to us, they can help us to keep it all in perspective, to grow, and to be grateful to the Lord for the journey. I remain grateful at the close of this day for one day more above the ground. I am grateful for the many the Lord has placed in my life at this time who bless my existence in countless ways.

Above all, I'm just grateful.

Obi-Juan Kenobi

For tonight's FHE on the Island of Misfit Toys, we participated in a combined Star Wars Day/Cinco de Mayo activity in the cultural hall. For example, people hit piñatas with light sabers. Personally, I was showered in Tootsie Rolls when one of the piñatas was burst open. Chips and salsa were served alongside cookies cut in the shape of Yoda, the Death Star, and the Millennium Falcon.

May the Fourth be with you!