Don't Need No Credit Card

Blogging has been on my mind lately, because the other day I realized it's ten years ago this month that I started my first blog. (Yes, I think about things like this.) Also, I've been thinking about how I haven't been doing all that much blogging lately besides the occasional family photos and short updates and such, and I feel like I need to work on that right now.

Getting married in the spring is a big reason why I've been so busy. It's also a reason now why I feel like I need to be recording more of my thoughts and such, because marriage is still so new for us both, and I've learned a few things in this last little while; I hope they will be of some use to me and/or my family and friends at some point.

The best piece of advice, at least so far, that I've been given regarding marriage: Put your wife's needs and happiness above everything else. I've not been perfect at following that advice, certainly, but when I have followed that counsel, it has blessed us both immensely. And fortunately, I've been extremely blessed with a companion who tries to do the same thing herself.

It's not uncommon to run into both old and new friends lately and to hear the question, almost always in these exact words: "So, how's married life?"

The short answer is that it's wonderful. In fact, it's far better than I'd imagined it would be. I'd even go so far as to say that marriage is somewhat undersold and understated. As a single adult, and I was one for a long time, I didn't quite grasp this concept, but I get it now, and it's something for which it's worth sacrificing.

A couple of times, some of my single friends have asked what my "secret" was or how I got to where I did, and the answer to that is that I don't have any "secret," nor do I know anything they don't already know.

In the words of the great Huey Lewis:

"Don't need money,
Don't take fame
Don't need no credit card
To ride this train."

Oh yes, and one other thing: perseverance.

Yes, my discouraged single friends, those of you who may still lay awake at night wondering if it will ever happen for you: You must keep on trying. No matter how many times your heart has been broken, no matter how frustrating it's been, not matter how tired you are of the dating scene, you must keep trying.

If the horse has thrown you off, you must get back on the horse. You must be willing to risk, for without risk, there is no reward. You must put yourself out there and be vulnerable and allow someone else into your life with the possibility remaining that you will get hurt and/or burned yet again.

It's a long, tough journey, not unlike Frodo's journey with the One Ring, and it doesn't wrap up nicely in ten hours' time. It stinks. I know it does, because I've been there. But it is, nevertheless, the only way.

One day, you will meet someone who will take the pain away. It will fade into oblivion. It doesn't mean your life will be perfect, but you will have someone at your side to fight your battles with you, and you will know joy like you've never known before.

When I hear my friends in their 20s and 30s complain about it all, I chuckle in my head a little bit and say to myself, "Just wait until you get to be my age." No, that doesn't mean you necessarily have several more years of bad dating experiences ahead, but it might. I also recognize a number of other friends who are my age or older who are still dating, who keep trying and praying and wondering if it will ever happen for them, either. Still others have given up completely, and it saddens me to a great degree.

My advice, for whatever my advice is worth, is the same to you all, and I use the words of the great Winston Churchill: "Never, ever ever ever ever give up."

Or, may I paraphrase the scriptures:

"Cheerfully do all things that lie in (your) power; and then may (you) stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed" (D&C 123:17).

The Brass Serpent and the Iron Rod

In a semi-recent elders quorum lesson in my EQ (one of four on the Island of Misfit Toys!), the instructor posed this question: "When we approach God in prayer to ask Him for forgiveness, how long does it take Him to grant our request?"

I was one of those to answer and posed the thought that, if we are sincere and are penitent, He grants it right away. He wants to give us this blessing. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland taught us in the mission field that preaching repentance is not condemning others; instead, it is offering them one of the greatest blessings God can give!

How beautiful it is to know we worship a God who's forgiveness is there for the asking! The Brass Serpent that Moses held up to the children of Israel in the wilderness is there for us all if we will not harden our hearts and refuse look up at it. It was a simple thing to do, and yet many perished because they were too stubborn or unbelieving merely "to look to God and live" (Alma 37:47).

It's a simple act of faith to get down on our knees, to offer a heartfelt prayer, to ask for forgiveness. And the granting of it is simple, in its essence, too.

Alma the Younger taught: "Now is the time and the day of your salvation; and therefore, if ye will repent and harden not your hearts, immediately shall the great plan of redemption be brought about unto you" (Alma 34:31; emphasis added).

Having said that, of course, and because "faith without works is dead," our sincerity in asking for forgiveness must almost be accompanied by action. I've learned that while we individually don't have to sacrifice or suffer to repent (because Christ suffered for us), we do have to sacrifice and suffer to change. We must not only cease bad behavior(s), we must also replace it/them with a good one(s). We have to daily choose to take hold of the Iron Rod as we strive to put off the natural man, to become someone different than we were before. It's not easy, and the pathway of discipleship was always meant to be. The same goes for breaking free from things that are not necessarily sins but bad habits.

In the October 2016 general conference, Elder Lynn G. Robbins taught: "An unwillingness to sacrifice as part of our penitence, mocks or belittles His greater sacrifice for the same sin."

It's one part simple, one part tough. But we have help. We have so much help to guide us along the journey. It is there in the simple, Sunday school answers of prayer, scripture study, attending meetings, and so forth. It is also there in those along the same journey who buoy us up in our efforts to change, like the ugly duckling who turned over time into a beautiful swan (metaphorically speaking).

A couple of weeks ago, a friend of mine bravely and opened expressed on social media that he has been struggling with a pornography addiction. In admitting to this, he also asked for the help of his friends by beginning a daily habit of posting as to whether or not that day was a "win," or a day in which he had succeeded in avoiding temptation.

I've been following this friend's posts since, and I've been amazed by both his progress as well as the incredible amount of support he's received from others as one or two days of "wins" have, at last counting, become now two weeks' worth. It's been inspiring to see his will to change. It also inspires me in my efforts to confront my own challenges.

When our "favorite sins," and we each have them, enter our thoughts or come around wanting to hang out again, like Peter in the New Testament, we each must answer the Lord in our own way if we love Him "more than these" (John 21:15; emphasis added). I use "these" in this sense being those things that would get in our way on the path of the Iron Rod.

Praise to the Man

I was asked to give a talk in my ward sacrament meeting today, almost on the anniversary of the martyrdom of the Prophet Joseph Smith and his brother Hyrum. In spite of waking up with a sore throat, fever, and cough, I made it through! Here is my text:

Brothers and sisters, today I’ve been assigned the topic of speaking on the Prophet Joseph Smith and on Section 135 of the Doctrine and Covenants.

In verse 3 of that section, then-Elder John Taylor writes: “Joseph Smith, the Prophet and Seer of the Lord, has done more, save Jesus only, for the salvation of men in this world, than any other man that ever lived in it. In the short space of twenty years, he has brought forth the Book of Mormon, which he translated by the gift and power of God, and has been the means of publishing it on two continents; has sent the fulness of the everlasting gospel, which it contained, to the four quarters of the earth; has brought forth the revelations and commandments which compose this book of Doctrine and Covenants, and many other wise documents and instructions for the benefit of the children of men; gathered many thousands of the Latter-day Saints, founded a great city, and left a fame and name that cannot be slain. He lived great, and he died great in the eyes of God and his people; and like most of the Lord’s anointed in ancient times, has sealed his mission and his works with his own blood; and so has his brother Hyrum. In life they were not divided, and in death they were not separated!”

I suppose if the 500+ members of this ward were each asked to give a talk on this same topic, we’d get 500+ different talks. That is one of the beauties of belonging to ward like this, with such a variety of experiences. And while my personal knowledge of the “salvation of men in this world” may be somewhat limited, I have felt today to speak on both what the Prophet Joseph has done for my salvation and my family’s, which I can speak to. To this end, I have come up with a list of five of the important lessons he has taught me.

First, I want to speak about Joseph’s First Vision, knowledge of which is vital to our testimonies of the restored gospel. I want to tell you my Mom’s story hearing it for the first time. (It turns out that if you do some chores for her and offer to take her out to lunch, she’ll do favors for you like retelling stories like these.)

It was a spring day in March 1960 when two missionaries serving in the small town of Birtley, England, found my Mom’s family. Mom’s grandmother, my great-grandmother Graham, had been converted to the gospel in the late 19^th century, and though my grandmother had been raised in the Church, she married a man who was uninterested in the gospel. And so, Mom and her siblings were raised without ever hearing the words Mormons or Joseph Smith. The missionaries visited because Grandma Attey’s name was on the membership rolls. She made an appointment for them to return the next night while Grandpa Attey was out drinking at the pub following a long day working in the coal mines, thinking that the elders would be perhaps become discouraged in the effort and maybe would leave the family alone.

The missionaries, Elder Dent and Elder Nielsen, taught Mom and her sister, Honour, the First Discussion. Elder Nielsen, a Utah boy who had been out in the mission field for only three weeks, nervously and humbly told the girls about Joseph Smith, who claimed to have received a vision in which he saw God the Father and Jesus Christ and, through them, was given a divine calling as a prophet. Mom later told me there was a visible glow about the young missionary as he spoke and that she “knew right away that it was true.” She heard a voice telling her it was all true.

At the time, Mom was studying William Wordsworth’s “Ode to Intimations of Immortality” in school, and when the missionaries told her about the Plan of Salvation, it was like she knew it already. By the third discussion, her mother had already told her about the Word of Wisdom, and she had given up drinking tea. Mom was baptized April 30, 1960, at age 16.

My Aunt Honour, as I mentioned, also listened to the story of the First Vision and knew it was true, but at the time she was dating the man who would become her husband, and he was against it. My Uncle Bill, like my mom, also listened to all six discussions, and the missionaries told her that he was a “golden investigator”; it was if he had studied all of the discussions before and knew all of the answers, but his wife was, likewise, against it. Neither would join the Church in this lifetime, though Aunt Honour tried attending years later after her divorce, and unfortunately she was treated poorly by some of the members who noticed she smelled of smoke; smoking was a habit she tried to quit for many years.

It skipped a generation, but Joseph Smith’s First Vision twice brought my mom’s side of the family into the Church. I am also here because, likewise, a great-great-grandfather on my father’s side heard the story of Joseph Smith in Denmark in the 1860s, and he and his family left their homeland behind to immigrate to Utah in the days of the Perpetual Emigration Fund.

As for my own experiences sharing the story of Joseph’s First Vision in Peru: I don’t know if a light ever shone around me, but I loved teaching people about it more than any other principle of the restored gospel, helping them to recognize that they were feeling the Spirit in the process.

The second thing I learn from Joseph Smith is that God will answer our questions. So much of his work “for the salvation of men in this world” that Elder Taylor praises about Joseph in D&C 135 came about as a result of Joseph asking additional questions besides the one that brought on the First Vision. And by receiving answers, he acted on them with boldness and faith. He never stopped asking questions!

The restoration of the priesthood, for example, came about because Joseph and Oliver Cowdery read some things in the translation process that caused them to have questions. They prayed and were subsequently visited by John the Baptist and, later, Peter, James, and John. The revelation on the Word of Wisdom, to give another example, came about because Emma was tired of cleaning up tobacco stains as a result of the brethren’s use of the product at Church meetings.

At the April 2008 general conference, Elder David A. Bednar taught: "Joseph's questions focused not just on what he needed to know but also on what was to be done! His prayer was not simply, 'Which church is right?' His question was, 'Which church should I join?' Joseph went to the grove to ask in faith, and he was determined to act."

Elder M. Russell Ballard also taught: “There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking questions or investigating our history, doctrine, and practices. The Restoration began when Joseph Smith sought an answer to a sincere question. . . . Although we may not be able to answer every question about the cosmos—or about our history, practices, or doctrine—we can provide many answers to those who are sincere. When we don’t know the answer, we can search to find answers together—a shared search that may bring us closer to each other and closer to God. Of course, we may not always find satisfying answers to our questions. At such times, it’s good to remember that there is still a place in religion for faith. Sometimes we can learn and study and know; sometimes we have to believe and trust and hope.”

Third: Joseph’s life teaches us that even prophets are not perfect and sometimes make mistakes.

In the October 2014 general conference, Elder Lynn G. Robbins of the Seventy said:

“At the youthful age of 22, even Joseph Smith forgot which way he faced when he repeatedly importuned the Lord to allow Martin Harris to borrow the 116 manuscript pages. Perhaps Joseph wanted to show gratitude to Martin for his support. We know that Joseph was extremely anxious for other eyewitnesses to stand with him against the distressing falsehoods and lies being spread about him.

“Whatever Joseph’s reasons were, or as justified as they may appear, the Lord did not excuse them and sharply rebuked him: ‘How oft you have transgressed . . . and have gone on in the persuasions of men. For, behold, you should not have feared man more than God’ (D&C 3:6–7). This poignant experience helped Joseph remember, forever after, which way he faced.”

Elder Bednar shared: “Some people find the human limitations and shortcomings of the Brethren troubling and faith diminishing. For me, those weaknesses are faith promoting. The Lord’s revealed pattern of governance in His Church provides for and attenuates the impact of human frailty. It is truly miraculous to me to witness the Lord accomplishing His will through His servants despite the flaws and failings of His chosen leaders. These men never have claimed to be and are not perfect; they certainly are, however, called of God.”

These are comforting thoughts because I, too, make mistakes and have shortcomings. Like Joseph, I, too, have a choice as to whether I can harden my heart when I’ve been reprimanded or I can humble myself and repent.

Fourth: Joseph Smith’s life teaches me that we can overcome our trials through obedience and putting our trusting in the Lord.

In Joseph’s account of the First Vision in the Pearl of Great Price, we read that while he was praying, “immediately I was seized upon by some power which entirely overcame me, and had such an astonishing influence over me as to bind my tongue so that I could not speak. Thick darkness gathered around me, and it seemed to me for a time as if I were doomed to sudden destruction. But, exerting all my powers to call upon God to deliver me out of the power of this enemy which had seized upon me, and at the very moment when I was ready to sink into despair and abandon myself to destruction—not to an imaginary ruin, but to the power of some actual being from the unseen world, who had such marvelous power as I had never before felt in any being—just at this moment of great alarm, I saw a pillar of light exactly over my head, above the brightness of the sun, which descended gradually until it fell upon me. It no sooner appeared than I found myself delivered from the enemy which held me bound” (Joseph Smith—History 1:15-17).

This experience teaches us that light conquers darkness, that the power of God is always stronger than that of the enemy of all truth.

This story gives me hope because I live with OCD, anxiety, and depression. I suppose we’d talk about it more in church if there weren’t so much of a stigma still attached. Through this illness, I’ve had occasions when I felt “thick darkness gathered around me” and “despair” that Joseph speaks of. You honestly don’t know how difficult until you experience it yourself or see a loved one battle it up close, and it’s not something I’ll be cured of in this lifetime; and yet, if there any in the congregation today who are suffering right now, I’m here to tell you: It can and does get better. There are therapies and, if necessary, medications to help you learn not only to live with depression but to thrive. If you need someone to talk to, our bishop can refer you to see someone at LDS Family Services who can be an answer to your prayers, or a therapist from a similar organization can also help you reclaim your life. Priesthood blessings, fasting, and prayer help. If you need someone in this ward to talk to, come and find me, or call or text me at any hour of the day or night. (I’ve lost two friends to depression-related suicide over the past decade, and I don’t want to lose any more!)

Joseph was well acquainted with trials and suffering throughout his lifetime. He was beaten and tarred and feathered and faced persecution and mob violence from outside of the Church and murmuring and apostasy from within it. He and Emma lost six of their 11 children before age one. He also spent a great deal of time jailed for crimes he did not commit.

In the July 2017 Ensign, Pres. Henry B. Erying teaches: “We all have trials to face—at times, very difficult trials. We know that the Lord allows us to go through trials in order for us to be polished and perfected so we can be with Him forever. The Lord taught the Prophet Joseph Smith in Liberty Jail that the reward for enduring his trials well would help qualify him for eternal life. . . . So many things beat upon us in a lifetime that it may seem hard to endure well. It can seem that way to a family depending on crops when there is no rain. They may wonder, ‘How long can we hold on?’ It can seem that way to a youth faced with resisting the rising flood of filth and temptation. It can seem that way to a young man struggling to get the education or training he needs for a job to support a wife and family. It can seem that way to a person who can’t find a job or who has lost job after job as businesses close their doors. It can seem that way to those faced with the erosion of health and physical strength, which may come early or late in life for them or for those they love. But a loving God has not set such tests before us simply to see if we can endure difficulty but rather to see if we can endure them well and so become polished.”

Fifth: Joseph Smith teaches me to sacrifice.

We each have been asked and will yet be asked to sacrifice much to help build up the kingdom of God here on Earth, be it missionary service, fulfilling our callings, home and visiting teaching, temple service, and beyond.

In another great article in the July Ensign, Elder Bednar talks about Zion’s Camp and those who followed Joseph on what was an unpopular and very criticized expedition led by the Prophet. But it also let Joseph know whom he could trust, and when the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles was first formed in this dispensation, eight of them had served in Zion’s Camp, and all of the Seventy had done likewise.

Joseph taught them: “Brethren, some of you are angry with me, because you did not fight in Missouri; but let me tell you, God did not want you to fight. He could not organize his kingdom with twelve men to open the gospel door to the nations of the earth, and with seventy men under their direction to follow in their tracks, unless he took them from a body of men who had offered their lives, and who had made as great a sacrifice as did Abraham.”

On another occasion, Joseph taught: “A religion that does not require the sacrifice of all things never has the power sufficient to produce the faith necessary unto life and salvation.” 

The Prophet, of course, paid the ultimate sacrifice by giving his life to seal his testimony.

I join with you all (and with this amazing choir) in saying, “Praise to the man who communed with Jehovah.” Unfortunately, we live in a world that largely cares more about the Karashians (and other celebrities) than about what Joseph Smith taught. We still have a lot of work to do. But we have opportunities to preach the gospel and to share goodness all around us, and we do not have to look very far to find them.

“The Standard of Truth has been erected; no unhallowed hand can stop the work from progressing; … the truth of God will go forth boldly, nobly, and independent, till it has penetrated every continent, visited every clime, swept every country, and sounded in every ear, till the purposes of God shall be accomplished, and the Great Jehovah shall say the work is done.”

To bring my talk full-circle: We recently performed the temple work for Aunt Honour and Uncle Bill. I got to stand in for Uncle Bill when he was sealed to my grandparents. Mom said to me the other day, “I have no doubt that they accepted it right away,” and so do I.

One other thing Joseph revealed: Families are forever if we remain faithful to our covenants. That knowledge gets us through losses like the one my family recently went through with my dad. How grateful I am to know that this separation is only a temporary one.

I testify that Thomas S. Monson today holds the prophetic mantle that Joseph once held. I am grateful for the Holy Ghost and His influence in my life, not only testifying to me of these truths but also acting in His role as the Comforter; He has been with me in unexpected and needed ways these past few months. Above all, I give thanks to our Savior for His Atonement, and for showing us the way back to Him through His prophets and through His revealed truths.

The Sacrifice of All Things

Since last week's announcement about the handbook update and the new policy regarding same-sex couples and their children, social media is ablaze once again. Quite understandably, there are some very strong feelings about this matter on both sides of the issue. I don't really need to go into the details, because I'm sure you know them by now, but in case you were pearl diving in the South Pacific and somehow missed it, Elder Christofferson explains the change and the rationale behind it in this interview here.

I have pondered a great deal about what to write about on this subject. The more I have studied it, the more I see the wisdom in the change and the great deal of thought, prayer, and inspiration that are behind it.

Nevertheless, I fully realize that, for others, including many members of the Church, the reaction is the polar opposite. The announcement has really thrown them for a loop and has caused confusion, doubt, and anger.

The scriptures and events from Church history are replete with heart-wrenching, defining moments in which people were asked to do things that shook the very ground they walked on. Consider Abraham's commandment to sacrifice his only son, Isaac; Daniel facing the lion's den; Alma and Amulek being forced to watch their converts being burned alive; the commandment for some latter-day leaders to obey the law of polygamy (which caused Brigham Young to look at a funeral casket and wish he were in it); and many others.

The greatest, most important example, of course, was our Savior, who plead in agony: "Remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done" (Luke 22:42).

Each was tested to core but, at the same time, each obeyed because they clung to a vital truth that was taught by the Prophet Joseph Smith:

"A religion that does not require the sacrifice of all things never has the power sufficient to produce the faith necessary unto life and salvation."

The sacrifices we make and will have to make are likely not going to be on such a grand scale as the aforementioned examples, though there are those among us who live under very difficult circumstances, be they mental, emotional, spiritual, or physical. Certainly, no one can know the extent of the Savior's infinite sacrifice for us all nor will have to endure that kind of suffering.

However, my point is that, sometimes, what it all boils down to is that the most important thing we are asked to sacrifice is the only thing that is really ours to give: our will. We are asked to sacrifice our pride, our natural man instincts, or our inclination to disbelieve, criticize, or murmur. We are asked to believe, or to plant to seed to believe even if we can't believe right now. We are asked to support and sustain even when we don't fully understand the reasons why as we see through our natural eyes. Our father Adam sacrificed because he didn't know the reasons but he knew that he had been commanded by the Lord.

In a 1978 speech, Elder Neal A. Maxwell taught: "In the months and years ahead, events will require of each member that he or she decide whether or not he or she will follow the First Presidency. Members will find it more difficult to halt longer between two opinions."

I believe that this is one of those moments of decision for some among us.

Having said all that, I am also troubled by comments from a few Church members about the policy change. To those who are struggling with this news, they have said: "If you don't like it, leave."

This sentiment should not exist among those who profess to follow Christ. Our Savior invited all who were burdened all to come unto Him and to find rest to their souls.

To any reading this who may be considering leaving the Church, whatever the reasons, I plead with you: Stay. The Church needs you. I need you. And you need the Church. If you have concerns or worries, it is okay to have them, and there is a way to resolve them. Pray. Read the scriptures. Meditate. Re-read a conference talk. Counsel with your bishop. If not him, talk to someone else you trust. Talk to me, and I will listen. Ponderize. Or tenderize. Do whatever you need to do to figure things out, and take the time you need to do so.

After all, the reason we have this church is because a young man had doubts, agonized over them, and prayed about them.

Remember this counsel of President Hinckley: "Be believing, be happy, don't get discouraged. Things will work out."

If we seek out the Lord's will and have the courage to act upon the answers, I believe that things will, indeed, work out.