JB and I spoke in our ward's sacrament meeting earlier today. This is what I spoke on:
Good morning, brothers and sisters. I am grateful for
this opportunity Jana and I have been given to speak to you today. We are so
grateful for the outpouring of love and fellowship we’ve felt here since we
moved in to the Stone Creek Ward five months ago.
Up until we joined this ward, I’d spent the vast
majority of my adult post-mission life in singles wards. So, serving as a
Webelos leader is something very new for me. I’m 42 years old, and she has been
. . . let’s say 29 for a few birthdays now. We’re a bit older than most
newlyweds.
Jana and I met a few years ago in our mid-singles ward,
the Bountiful 8th Ward, after it was organized in 2014. For those for
whom the term mid-singles ward might
sound made up: It’s a real thing for singles ages 31 through 45. Ours covered a
large area, from North Salt Lake and Woods Cross up through Kaysville. Some
call it the “Island of Misfit Toys,” though I like to think of it as the
“remedial” singles ward. After we first met, Jana and I went on a handful of
dates. It took a few years after that for me to get my head screwed on straight
and to ask her out again, and after 16 months of dating and engagement, we were
sealed in the Bountiful temple in April.
My topic today is adversity. When we think of adversity,
we don’t have to look very far to see it all around us. We just have to step
outside right now and see the smoke in the air to be reminded that firefighters
in our state are currently battling some very devastating fires. We merely have
to turn on the news to see images of widespread destruction caused by
hurricanes, monsoons, earthquakes, and other natural disasters, “wars and
rumors of wars” (Matthew 24:6), famine, shootings, domestic violence, and a
number of other troubles. In addition to these troubles are the challenges of chronic
physical and mental pain and illness, injury, disability, job loss, poverty,
and the death of our loved ones.
For many of the people in the ward where Jana and I met,
adversity comes in the form of loneliness for those remaining single into their
30s and 40s—and beyond. Sister Wendy Watson Nelson, for example, did not marry
until much later in her life. There are some of ours who, sadly, may never
marry in this lifetime. Still others who have married have endured the pain of
the death of a spouse, infertility, wayward children, and other difficulties.’’
We live very much in a day and time when Paul
prophesied: “In the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be
lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient
to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, trucebreakers, false
accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, traitors,
heady, highminded, lovers of pleasure more than lovers of God; having a form of
godliness, but denying the power thereof.” Later in this chapter, Paul adds:
“All that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution” (2 Timothy
3:1-5, 12).
It has always been this way for us in this mortal
sphere. President Spencer W. Kimball taught: “We knew before we were born that
we were coming to the earth for bodies and experience and that we would have
joys and sorrows, pain and comforts, ease and hardships, health and sickness,
successes and disappointments; and we knew also that we would die. We accepted
all these eventualities with a glad heart eager to accept both the favorable
and unfavorable. … We were willing to come and take life as it came” (Improvement Era, Mar. 1996, 217).
Elder Robert D. Hales of the Quorum of the Twelve
Apostles also taught: “The scriptures teach that ‘there is … opposition in all
things’ (2 Ne. 2:11). Just as times of joy and happiness come to each of us, so
also comes pain to every mortal. How can we understand those moments in our
life when we experience physical or emotional pain? …
“I have come to understand how useless it is to dwell on
the whys, what ifs, and if onlys for which there likely will be
given no answers in mortality. To receive the Lord’s comfort, we must exercise
faith. The questions Why me? Why our
family? Why now? are usually unanswerable questions. These questions
detract from our spirituality and can destroy our faith. We need to spend our
time and energy building our faith by turning to the Lord and asking for
strength to overcome the pains and trials of this world and to endure to the
end for greater understanding” (“Healing Soul and Body,” October 1998 general
conference).
In my preparation for this talk, and through studying
the words and teaching of both ancient and modern prophets, I have come up with
a list of four important concepts I have learned through adversity.
The first item
on this list is the vital importance of keeping God’s commandments. I think
it’s important to note that there is often a difference between trials and the consequences
of our sins. Others’ misuse of agency may harm us. And when we sin, misusing
our own agency, we must also face the consequences of those actions, becoming
our own “worst enemy” or source of adversity.
In
the most recent Face to Face broadcast, Elder Quentin L. Cook of the Quorum of
the Twelve Apostles talked about adversity and said: “Some of that (comes)
because there’s agency and some of that because there’s adversary.”
King Benjamin teaches: “The natural man is an enemy to
God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless
he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man
and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as
a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to
all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit
to his father” (Mosiah 3:19).
Because
Christ has already suffered for our sins, we do not have to suffer for them if
we will turn from the natural man to Him and repent through His Atonement. Speaking
of Christ, Paul tells us in the Epistle to the Hebrews: “Though he were a Son,
yet he learned obedience by the things which he suffered” (Hebrews 5:8). We
must learn to do the same.
President
Henry B. Eyring spoke to our duty when it comes to obedience. He said: “The
great test of life is to see whether we will hearken to and obey God’s commands
in the midst of the storms of life. It is not to endure storms, but to choose
the right while they rage” (“Spiritual
Preparedness: Start Early and Be Steady,” October 2005 general conference).
It’s not possible to fully avoid adversity in this life,
but we can still avoid a number of troubles by obeying gospel laws.
Second: Through
adversity, we are given opportunities to grow spiritually. Trials help us to
learn just what we are made of; they stretch and mold us into the kind of
person Heavenly Father would like us to become.
Mother
Theresa said: “I know God won’t give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish he
didn’t trust me so much.”
Toward
the end of the “War Chapters” in the Book of Mormon, Mormon tells us: “Because
of the exceedingly great length of the war between the Nephites and the
Lamanites many had become hardened, because of the exceedingly great length of
the war; and many were softened because of their afflictions, insomuch that
they did humble themselves before God, even in the depth of humility” (Alma
62:41).
These
Saints had endured the same trial together; and while some had grown bitter, others
had grown better.
Another
scriptural example that comes to my mind is that of Abraham. At a very old age,
he and Sarah were finally blessed with Isaac, a son born in the covenant. And
yet, in what was most imaginably gut-wrenching to Abraham, he was commanded to
offer up this son as a sacrifice in a test of his faith. Well, we all know what
happened. Abraham and Isaac both obeyed; and at the last moment, an angel
intervened to save Isaac’s life.
BYU
Professor Truman G. Madsen wrote about a time when he was with President Hugh
B. Brown of the First Presidency in Hebron, near Abraham’s tomb:
“I
(asked President Brown), ‘Why ... was Abraham commanded to go to Mount Moriah
and offer his only hope of posterity?’
“It
was clear that this man, nearly ninety, had thought and prayed and wept over
that question before. He finally said, ‘Abraham needed to learn something about
Abraham’” (Five Classics by Truman G.
Madsen [2001], 232).
Viktor
Frankl, author of Man’s Search for
Meaning, was imprisoned in Auschwitz concentration camp during World War
II. Even under such wretched conditions, he later wrote that people could nevertheless
still decide what their attitudes would be: “We who lived in concentration
camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others,
giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but
they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one
thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."
Thirdly, adversity gives
us an opportunity to serve and minister to our fellow man.
In
the Sermon on the Mount, the Savior taught: “Ye are the light of the world. A
city that is set on a hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle, and
put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that
are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your
good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven” (Matthew 5:14-16).
Whenever and wherever a natural disaster occurs, members
of the Church are always among the first ones there to help. A few years ago,
following a hurricane in the Southern states, I remember reading about a
cleanup effort the Church had headed. One very grateful woman was quoted as
saying that she was especially grateful to two groups in particular for their
help: the Latter-day Saints and the Mormons.
I very much feel for those who have been affected by Hurricane
Florence recently, because I have been where they’ve been. When I was 13 years
old, my family and I lived in Puerto Rico, where we weathered one of the worst
storms ever to occur to that date. (Last year’s Hurricane Maria was much
worse.)
Hurricane Hugo pummeled our island, and it went on to
destroy other areas of the Caribbean and southeastern United States. Following
the widespread destruction, we surveyed the damage, and it was extensive. It
was at this time that I gained a testimony of the importance of heeding the
prophets’ counsel to store a year-long supply of food, clean water, batteries,
and other necessities, because we would desperately need them in the ensuing
weeks.
What good can come of such a catastrophe? On the
surface, it’s hard to say. The lives lost can’t be restored nor the extensive
damage undone. But to give one example, I recall a cleanup service project I
took part in with the youth in my ward. We went to a nearby park to clean up
and carry away the fallen branches and leaves, to mow the grass, and other
tasks. As we worked, residents of this neighborhood, most likely none of whom
were of our faith, noticed what we were doing, and a few came out to help us. A
few others brought us soda and snacks. They learned we were there representing
our Church. It may have been the first contact with the Church they’d had in
their lives, and we hoped it was a positive one. It certainly was a memorable
one for me.
We have multiple opportunities to help bear each other’s
burdens here, today, in Bountiful, Utah. There is much of pain and suffering
that we can help alleviate when we look at those in need here in our
neighborhoods and communities, at our workplaces, in our families, and in our very
own homes. There are numerous chances to find those we can serve as we seek for
and follow promptings through the Holy Ghost.
Fourth: Enduring adversity helps us to develop Christlike
qualities of love, compassion, and empathy for others.
In his book The 7
Habits of Highly Effective People, Dr. Stephen Covey tells the story of
being on a train one day, where he found himself annoyed by two very noisy kids
causing a disturbance to everyone around them. He noticed that the father was
doing nothing about them. After a moment of restraint, he approached the
father. Here’s Dr. Covey’s account of what happened next:
“Sir, your children are
really disturbing a lot of people. I wonder if you couldn’t control them a
little more?
“The man lifted his gaze as
if to come to a consciousness of the situation for the first time and said
softly, ‘Oh, you’re right. I guess I should do something about it. We just came
from the hospital where their mother died about an hour ago. I don’t know what
to think, and I guess they don’t know how to handle it either.’
“Can you imagine what I felt
at that moment? My paradigm shifted. Suddenly I saw things differently, I felt
differently, I behaved differently. My irritation vanished. I didn’t have to
worry about controlling my attitude or my behavior; my heart was filled with
the man’s pain. Feelings of sympathy and compassion flowed freely. Everything
changed in an instant.”
Along these same lines, President Eyring shared what he
said was some of the best advice he’d ever been given: “When you meet someone,
treat them as if they were in serious trouble, and you will be right more than
half the time” (“In the Strength of the Lord,” April 2004 general conference).
Or, in the words of one of my favorite hymns of the
Church: “In the quiet heart is hidden sorrow that the eyes can’t see” (Hymns, no. 220, “Lord, I Would Follow
Thee”).
A few years ago, while I was looking for a new place to
live, I had a few leads to move in with some friends; and yet I had the
distinct impression I needed to move back in with my parents for a short while.
It was not long after this that I learned one big reason, perhaps, I may have
felt this impression: My father was diagnosed with dementia. It was astonishing
to observe how quickly this illness took its toll on both his mind and on his
body. Over the ensuing 18 months, I learned a great deal about patience,
charity, and humility as I watched him suffer.
In the process, I was given a great gift: this small window
of precious time, time I now look back upon as sacred, to give back to my
father some of what he had given me all of my life before then. It was in
simple things like driving him to get his hair cut or taking him out to lunch.
It was mostly through just spending time sitting by him and talking to him as
we watched sports on TV.
It’s been said that the only two guarantees in life are
death and taxes. Well, after enduring his illness as well as anyone could have,
Dad died on April 15 last year. On that final day of his mortal life, I was granted
one additional blessing—a tender mercy to me—in the form of a spiritual
prompting. By this point, Dad’s motor skills had deteriorated to the point he
could not even walk around on his own, and we were forced to put him in a home
where he could be cared for. He would be there for just nine days.
The next day was Easter, so my thought initially was to
buy him some Easter candy that Saturday and then to bring it to him on Easter
Sunday, when I could spend more time with him. Instead, the prompting was to go
and see him that afternoon and not to delay. For one last moment, I got to
visit with Dad, to embrace him and to tell him one last time that I love him.
Jana and I had just begun dating at this time, and she felt the same prompting.
Just a few, short hours later, the phone call came that
Dad had been rushed to the hospital in cardiac arrest. By the time we arrived
in the emergency room, he was gone. And yet, in the confusion and the chaos, I
was at peace. I was comforted. Though I was deeply saddened to lose him, and I
still miss him today, I became reacquainted with the Comforter that night and
in the days and weeks that would follow.
When my siblings and my mother and I left the hospital,
it was past midnight and it had become Easter Sunday. The timing of it all was,
in my mind, no coincidence. It was a blessed reminder from a loving Heavenly
Father that He is in control. Because of Easter and a loving Savior—“dearly,
dearly has he loved!” (Hymns, no.
194, “There Is a Green Hill Far Away”), as we sang in the sacrament hymn—Dad
lives on, and I will have the chance to embrace him again.
Perspective is an extraordinary blessing. Elder Orson F. Whitney
of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught: “No pain that we suffer, no trial
that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development
of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude, and humility. All that we
suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds
up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more
tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God, ... and it
is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the
education that we come here to acquire” (Improvement Era, Mar. 1966, 211).
How grateful I am for the Atonement of
Jesus Christ, which encompasses so many griefs and woes and strengthens us to
endure the crosses we are called to bear in this life, whichever crosses they
may be.
Elder
Neal A. Maxwell of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught: “Trying to
comprehend the trials and meaning of this life without understanding Heavenly
Father’s marvelously encompassing plan of salvation is like trying to
understand a three-act play while seeing only the second act. Fortunately, our
knowledge of the Savior, Jesus Christ, and His Atonement helps us to endure our
trials and to see purpose in suffering and to trust God for what we cannot
comprehend.
“Revealed
truths reassure us that we are enclosed in divine empathy. As Enoch witnessed,
we worship a God who wept over needless human misery and wickedness (see Moses
7:28-29, 33, 37). Jesus’ perfect empathy was ensured when, along with His
Atonement for our sins, He took upon Himself our sicknesses, sorrows, griefs,
and infirmities and came to know these ‘according to the flesh’ (Alma 7:11-12).
He did this in order that He might be filled with perfect, personal mercy and
empathy and thereby know how to succor us in our infirmities. He thus fully
comprehends human suffering. Truly Christ ‘descended below all things, in that
He comprehended all things’ (D&C 88:6). …
“Part
of enduring well consists of being meek enough, amid our suffering, to learn
from our relevant experiences. Rather than simply passing through these things,
they must pass through us and do so in ways which sanctify these experiences
for our good (see D&C 122:7). Thereby, our empathy, too, is enriched and
everlasting” (“Enduring Well,” April 1997
general conference).
I add my testimony his. I testify that we have an
all-wise, all-knowing, all-loving Savior who shows us how to love as He did. President
Russell M. Nelson leads His Church on Earth today. In the name of Jesus Christ,
amen.
