Hims of the Church

It's not you; it's a lack of hims. Really.

Perhaps you've read or heard about a recent article in Time magazine in which it is asserted that the LDS Church is undergoing a "dating" or a "marriage crisis," and this is because "women are in oversupply." Because "there are now 150 women for every 100 Mormon men in the state of Utah," "heterosexual men are more likely to play the field, and heterosexual women must compete for men's attention." The article even goes on to claim that several of these women are resorting to plastic surgery in order to compete and make themselves stand out from their peers.

"Yes, Mormon men take full advantage." Claims one interviewee, "'They wait for the next, more perfect woman.'"

Another woman interviewed stated that several friends "wound up marrying outside the religion . . . simply because they had no other options," while other friends, "all good LDS girls! . . . gave up on finding a husband and decided to have children on their own."

One female who commented on the post said she is LDS and that where she lives "the men here ARE lazy both outside and inside of the church."

You must certainly get a lot of dates with the perception that 100% of your potential dating partners are lazy, sister, I thought to myself. It must certainly make them feel good about themselves and then want to take you out.

Yet another said, "For men, there are so many choices that choices are not made."

I wish this data made me feel better. In theory, it would lead me to believe that, statistically, all I need to do is show up on Sunday, walk into the chapel, and the aisles of the Island of Misfit Toys, within a matter of minutes, ought to be strewn with piles of the bodies of women clawing each other's eyes out for the right to become the future Mrs. Paco Nation.

"Ought" to. But it does not make me feel better about myself. Not at all, honestly. Because I'm trying, even as imperfect as I am. I'm making a conscious effort to meet people in my ward, even when it is out of my comfort zone. People think that because I do improv I don't have any comfort zone when it comes to meeting the opposite sex, but I can assure you, that comfort zone is quite small indeed.

I'm dating girls in my very large ward. Not one in particular for the moment, but different ones. And the results are . . . mixed. And yes, I realize that if you interviewed the girls I have asked out, they might give you the same reply about me. They might express frustration at some of my habits or tendencies or any other number of issues that make me less than perfect. I know I have them, and I am working on them. Yet the whole difficult process makes me as frustrated as the women interviewed for this article.

Another issue the article brings up: "Maybe it's the women who are holding out for the Mormon or Jewish George Clooney?"

You know, a good, temple recommend-holding guy with muscles and a jeep, who also stars in crappy Batman movies and bobs his head a lot.

I realize there is frustration among the sisters, but the brethren, I can assure you, are frustrated, too, albeit for different reasons. Men read articles like these (or sometimes get it from the priesthood session of general conference) and tend to walk away with the perception that all women are perfectly prioritized and are just dying to get married, while men are responsibility-avoiding, lollygagging, basement-dwelling morons and losers.

It's always good to get both sides of the issue, whatever the issue may be. And I think it's very important to remember that there can be two extremes on this particular issue: one believing that all available LDS men are lazy, uninspired, or self-important baboons, with perhaps the other claiming that all available LDS women are far too careful, choosy, aloof, and judgmental once they hit their 30s.

The truth, I think, lies somewhere in between these extremes. Generalities or stereotypes rarely help anybody. I think it boils down to finding just one good, honest, kind LDS man or woman who is doing his or her best and with whom you enjoy spending time, in spite of the incorrect stereotypes about either gender.

Personally, I'm not looking for perfection. I'm not trying to play any field. I'm not attempting to take "full advantage" of anyone, no matter what Time magazine may assert. I am making choices, even with so many choices available. I'd be happy with just one woman competing for my attention, because she wants to (and not because she has no other options). I'm really just looking for someone who can put up with me for a few hours every few nights, and also who doesn't mind the feel of facial hair on her face every now and then. I don't ask for much.

Is there a crisis? It may depend on whom you ask. Let's just not make things harder than they have to be.