Sunday, June 25, 2017

Praise to the Man

I was asked to give a talk in my ward sacrament meeting today, almost on the anniversary of the martyrdom of the Prophet Joseph Smith and his brother Hyrum. In spite of waking up with a sore throat, fever, and cough, I made it through! Here is my text:

Brothers and sisters, today I’ve been assigned the topic of speaking on the Prophet Joseph Smith and on Section 135 of the Doctrine and Covenants.

In verse 3 of that section, then-Elder John Taylor writes: “Joseph Smith, the Prophet and Seer of the Lord, has done more, save Jesus only, for the salvation of men in this world, than any other man that ever lived in it. In the short space of twenty years, he has brought forth the Book of Mormon, which he translated by the gift and power of God, and has been the means of publishing it on two continents; has sent the fulness of the everlasting gospel, which it contained, to the four quarters of the earth; has brought forth the revelations and commandments which compose this book of Doctrine and Covenants, and many other wise documents and instructions for the benefit of the children of men; gathered many thousands of the Latter-day Saints, founded a great city, and left a fame and name that cannot be slain. He lived great, and he died great in the eyes of God and his people; and like most of the Lord’s anointed in ancient times, has sealed his mission and his works with his own blood; and so has his brother Hyrum. In life they were not divided, and in death they were not separated!”

I suppose if the 500+ members of this ward were each asked to give a talk on this same topic, we’d get 500+ different talks. That is one of the beauties of belonging to ward like this, with such a variety of experiences. And while my personal knowledge of the “salvation of men in this world” may be somewhat limited, I have felt today to speak on both what the Prophet Joseph has done for my salvation and my family’s, which I can speak to. To this end, I have come up with a list of five of the important lessons he has taught me.

First, I want to speak about Joseph’s First Vision, knowledge of which is vital to our testimonies of the restored gospel. I want to tell you my Mom’s story hearing it for the first time. (It turns out that if you do some chores for her and offer to take her out to lunch, she’ll do favors for you like retelling stories like these.)

It was a spring day in March 1960 when two missionaries serving in the small town of Birtley, England, found my Mom’s family. Mom’s grandmother, my great-grandmother Graham, had been converted to the gospel in the late 19th century, and though my grandmother had been raised in the Church, she married a man who was uninterested in the gospel. And so, Mom and her siblings were raised without ever hearing the words Mormons or Joseph Smith. The missionaries visited because Grandma Attey’s name was on the membership rolls. She made an appointment for them to return the next night while Grandpa Attey was out drinking at the pub following a long day working in the coal mines, thinking that the elders would be perhaps become discouraged in the effort and maybe would leave the family alone.

The missionaries, Elder Dent and Elder Nielsen, taught Mom and her sister, Honour, the First Discussion. Elder Nielsen, a Utah boy who had been out in the mission field for only three weeks, nervously and humbly told the girls about Joseph Smith, who claimed to have received a vision in which he saw God the Father and Jesus Christ and, through them, was given a divine calling as a prophet. Mom later told me there was a visible glow about the young missionary as he spoke and that she “knew right away that it was true.” She heard a voice telling her it was all true.

At the time, Mom was studying William Wordsworth’s “Ode to Intimations of Immortality” in school, and when the missionaries told her about the Plan of Salvation, it was like she knew it already. By the third discussion, her mother had already told her about the Word of Wisdom, and she had given up drinking tea. Mom was baptized April 30, 1960, at age 16.

My Aunt Honour, as I mentioned, also listened to the story of the First Vision and knew it was true, but at the time she was dating the man who would become her husband, and he was against it. My Uncle Bill, like my mom, also listened to all six discussions, and the missionaries told her that he was a “golden investigator”; it was if he had studied all of the discussions before and knew all of the answers, but his wife was, likewise, against it. Neither would join the Church in this lifetime, though Aunt Honour tried attending years later after her divorce, and unfortunately she was treated poorly by some of the members who noticed she smelled of smoke; smoking was a habit she tried to quit for many years.

It skipped a generation, but Joseph Smith’s First Vision twice brought my mom’s side of the family into the Church. I am also here because, likewise, a great-great-grandfather on my father’s side heard the story of Joseph Smith in Denmark in the 1860s, and he and his family left their homeland behind to immigrate to Utah in the days of the Perpetual Emigration Fund.

As for my own experiences sharing the story of Joseph’s First Vision in Peru: I don’t know if a light ever shone around me, but I loved teaching people about it more than any other principle of the restored gospel, helping them to recognize that they were feeling the Spirit in the process.

The second thing I learn from Joseph Smith is that God will answer our questions. So much of his work “for the salvation of men in this world” that Elder Taylor praises about Joseph in D&C 135 came about as a result of Joseph asking additional questions besides the one that brought on the First Vision. And by receiving answers, he acted on them with boldness and faith. He never stopped asking questions!

The restoration of the priesthood, for example, came about because Joseph and Oliver Cowdery read some things in the translation process that caused them to have questions. They prayed and were subsequently visited by John the Baptist and, later, Peter, James, and John. The revelation on the Word of Wisdom, to give another example, came about because Emma was tired of cleaning up tobacco stains as a result of the brethren’s use of the product at Church meetings.

At the April 2008 general conference, Elder David A. Bednar taught: "Joseph's questions focused not just on what he needed to know but also on what was to be done! His prayer was not simply, 'Which church is right?' His question was, 'Which church should I join?' Joseph went to the grove to ask in faith, and he was determined to act."

Elder M. Russell Ballard also taught: “There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking questions or investigating our history, doctrine, and practices. The Restoration began when Joseph Smith sought an answer to a sincere question. . . . Although we may not be able to answer every question about the cosmos—or about our history, practices, or doctrine—we can provide many answers to those who are sincere. When we don’t know the answer, we can search to find answers together—a shared search that may bring us closer to each other and closer to God. Of course, we may not always find satisfying answers to our questions. At such times, it’s good to remember that there is still a place in religion for faith. Sometimes we can learn and study and know; sometimes we have to believe and trust and hope.”

Third: Joseph’s life teaches us that even prophets are not perfect and sometimes make mistakes.

In the October 2014 general conference, Elder Lynn G. Robbins of the Seventy said:

“At the youthful age of 22, even Joseph Smith forgot which way he faced when he repeatedly importuned the Lord to allow Martin Harris to borrow the 116 manuscript pages. Perhaps Joseph wanted to show gratitude to Martin for his support. We know that Joseph was extremely anxious for other eyewitnesses to stand with him against the distressing falsehoods and lies being spread about him.

“Whatever Joseph’s reasons were, or as justified as they may appear, the Lord did not excuse them and sharply rebuked him: ‘How oft you have transgressed . . . and have gone on in the persuasions of men. For, behold, you should not have feared man more than God’ (D&C 3:6–7). This poignant experience helped Joseph remember, forever after, which way he faced.”

Elder Bednar shared: “Some people find the human limitations and shortcomings of the Brethren troubling and faith diminishing. For me, those weaknesses are faith promoting. The Lord’s revealed pattern of governance in His Church provides for and attenuates the impact of human frailty. It is truly miraculous to me to witness the Lord accomplishing His will through His servants despite the flaws and failings of His chosen leaders. These men never have claimed to be and are not perfect; they certainly are, however, called of God.”

These are comforting thoughts because I, too, make mistakes and have shortcomings. Like Joseph, I, too, have a choice as to whether I can harden my heart when I’ve been reprimanded or I can humble myself and repent.

Fourth: Joseph Smith’s life teaches me that we can overcome our trials through obedience and putting our trusting in the Lord.

In Joseph’s account of the First Vision in the Pearl of Great Price, we read that while he was praying, “immediately I was seized upon by some power which entirely overcame me, and had such an astonishing influence over me as to bind my tongue so that I could not speak. Thick darkness gathered around me, and it seemed to me for a time as if I were doomed to sudden destruction. But, exerting all my powers to call upon God to deliver me out of the power of this enemy which had seized upon me, and at the very moment when I was ready to sink into despair and abandon myself to destruction—not to an imaginary ruin, but to the power of some actual being from the unseen world, who had such marvelous power as I had never before felt in any being—just at this moment of great alarm, I saw a pillar of light exactly over my head, above the brightness of the sun, which descended gradually until it fell upon me. It no sooner appeared than I found myself delivered from the enemy which held me bound” (Joseph Smith—History 1:15-17).

This experience teaches us that light conquers darkness, that the power of God is always stronger than that of the enemy of all truth.

This story gives me hope because I live with OCD, anxiety, and depression. I suppose we’d talk about it more in church if there weren’t so much of a stigma still attached. Through this illness, I’ve had occasions when I felt “thick darkness gathered around me” and “despair” that Joseph speaks of. You honestly don’t know how difficult until you experience it yourself or see a loved one battle it up close, and it’s not something I’ll be cured of in this lifetime; and yet, if there any in the congregation today who are suffering right now, I’m here to tell you: It can and does get better. There are therapies and, if necessary, medications to help you learn not only to live with depression but to thrive. If you need someone to talk to, our bishop can refer you to see someone at LDS Family Services who can be an answer to your prayers, or a therapist from a similar organization can also help you reclaim your life. Priesthood blessings, fasting, and prayer help. If you need someone in this ward to talk to, come and find me, or call or text me at any hour of the day or night. (I’ve lost two friends to depression-related suicide over the past decade, and I don’t want to lose any more!)

Joseph was well acquainted with trials and suffering throughout his lifetime. He was beaten and tarred and feathered and faced persecution and mob violence from outside of the Church and murmuring and apostasy from within it. He and Emma lost six of their 11 children before age one. He also spent a great deal of time jailed for crimes he did not commit.

In the July 2017 Ensign, Pres. Henry B. Erying teaches: “We all have trials to face—at times, very difficult trials. We know that the Lord allows us to go through trials in order for us to be polished and perfected so we can be with Him forever. The Lord taught the Prophet Joseph Smith in Liberty Jail that the reward for enduring his trials well would help qualify him for eternal life. . . . So many things beat upon us in a lifetime that it may seem hard to endure well. It can seem that way to a family depending on crops when there is no rain. They may wonder, ‘How long can we hold on?’ It can seem that way to a youth faced with resisting the rising flood of filth and temptation. It can seem that way to a young man struggling to get the education or training he needs for a job to support a wife and family. It can seem that way to a person who can’t find a job or who has lost job after job as businesses close their doors. It can seem that way to those faced with the erosion of health and physical strength, which may come early or late in life for them or for those they love. But a loving God has not set such tests before us simply to see if we can endure difficulty but rather to see if we can endure them well and so become polished.”

Fifth: Joseph Smith teaches me to sacrifice.

We each have been asked and will yet be asked to sacrifice much to help build up the kingdom of God here on Earth, be it missionary service, fulfilling our callings, home and visiting teaching, temple service, and beyond.

In another great article in the July Ensign, Elder Bednar talks about Zion’s Camp and those who followed Joseph on what was an unpopular and very criticized expedition led by the Prophet. But it also let Joseph know whom he could trust, and when the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles was first formed in this dispensation, eight of them had served in Zion’s Camp, and all of the Seventy had done likewise.

Joseph taught them: “Brethren, some of you are angry with me, because you did not fight in Missouri; but let me tell you, God did not want you to fight. He could not organize his kingdom with twelve men to open the gospel door to the nations of the earth, and with seventy men under their direction to follow in their tracks, unless he took them from a body of men who had offered their lives, and who had made as great a sacrifice as did Abraham.”

On another occasion, Joseph taught: “A religion that does not require the sacrifice of all things never has the power sufficient to produce the faith necessary unto life and salvation.” 

The Prophet, of course, paid the ultimate sacrifice by giving his life to seal his testimony.

I join with you all (and with this amazing choir) in saying, “Praise to the man who communed with Jehovah.” Unfortunately, we live in a world that largely cares more about the Karashians (and other celebrities) than about what Joseph Smith taught. We still have a lot of work to do. But we have opportunities to preach the gospel and to share goodness all around us, and we do not have to look very far to find them.

“The Standard of Truth has been erected; no unhallowed hand can stop the work from progressing; … the truth of God will go forth boldly, nobly, and independent, till it has penetrated every continent, visited every clime, swept every country, and sounded in every ear, till the purposes of God shall be accomplished, and the Great Jehovah shall say the work is done.”

To bring my talk full-circle: We recently performed the temple work for Aunt Honour and Uncle Bill. I got to stand in for Uncle Bill when he was sealed to my grandparents. Mom said to me the other day, “I have no doubt that they accepted it right away,” and so do I.

One other thing Joseph revealed: Families are forever if we remain faithful to our covenants. That knowledge gets us through losses like the one my family recently went through with my dad. How grateful I am to know that this separation is only a temporary one.


I testify that Thomas S. Monson today holds the prophetic mantle that Joseph once held. I am grateful for the Holy Ghost and His influence in my life, not only testifying to me of these truths but also acting in His role as the Comforter; He has been with me in unexpected and needed ways these past few months. Above all, I give thanks to our Savior for His Atonement, and for showing us the way back to Him through His prophets and through His revealed truths.

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Self-Esteem and Dating . . . and Fathers Day

As I've mentioned previously here on Paco Nation, we males may often find ourselves in a no-win situation in the eyes of a certain culture within our church.

On the one hand, this crowd (1) observes that marriage is either not happening like it used to statistically or is being delayed like never before, and (2) blames the men for it all. You're not dating, men. You're hanging out instead and being selfish and wasting time, and you should be dating. (To be fair, some guys, though not all, have this attitude, and this is criticism is warranted to some extent.) On the other hand, this same culture, whether purposefully or indirectly, also sends out another message, which is that men are inept, bumbling morons whose efforts at dating fall far short of what is wanted, expected, and/or needed.

In other words, collectively speaking, we're danged if we do and danged if we don't. Whatever you do or don't do, guys, your efforts (or lack of them) are wrong.

Society has even redefined the meaning of marriage and parents so that men and fathers are not only optional in family relationships but also totally unnecessary. Just this afternoon I read a "celebrity" tweet: "You don't need a father; so many families work so many ways." This in spite of overwhelming, abundant data from social scientists that fathers are the number-one critical element in preventing or reducing childhood poverty, violent crime, and a host of other ills in our day.

Anyway, getting back to my initial point: I think one of the largely unaddressed and underlying products of this danged-if-you-do-or-don't phenomenon is a number of men who suffer from low self-esteem, and this, rather than selfishness or pride, can often be the underlying cause behind their lack of action when it comes to dating. I feel like I've been one of them. And I can guarantee you there are many in my ward and among my circle of single male friends who feel this way and are frustrated and downtrodden by it. Their confidence in themselves is gone. Some have even become so idle with despair at the whole ugly mess that they have given up trying altogether.

That is why, I think, sometimes men don't know how to react when they finally meet someone who is genuinely interested in them romantically. They've become so disillusioned by this point and are so used to rejection and the messages that they're all nincompoops that they no longer know how to interact with the single ladies nor do they really find it worth the potential criticism and the effort.

They become like the person in Groucho Marx's infamous quip: "I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member." Their self-loathing message can become: Who would want to date me? I'm worthless.

I bring this up today partially because it's Fathers Day. It's my first one since I lost my dad, and it's a tender one. I find myself reflecting on all of the good things he was and is and the many good things he showed and taught me. As his son, my eyes were often wide open to his faults during my growing-up years. I'm grateful for a day like today in which we can all take time out and praise the good, worthy men in our lives, be they our fathers, father figures, or future fathers.

In addition, I mention these things because I have been one who has suffered from low self-esteem. Over time, I have endured one upon another assault on my self-worth. I've been subjected to not one, not two, but three awful experiences of being repeatedly and relentlessly bullied by other males, and to this day I'm still working through them. I've seen my mistakes pointed out, magnified, and ridiculed by others. I've looked into the mirror and been saddened by what I see.

And yet my message to my fellow guys, in spite of it all, is: Carry on. I know it's hard to love yourself for all of the good qualities you possess, but try to focus on those things. They matter far, far more than your deficiencies, whatever they may be. Someday, you will meet someone who makes you feel wonderful about yourself in spite of your past and present insecurities.

At present, I count myself fortunate to find myself in such a dating relationship. Someone by whom I've been incredibly, unbelievably blessed. She frequently lets me know that I have great worth in her eyes. When one of my weaknesses or challenges makes itself known, things that were dealbreakers for others, she is patient, charitable, and kind. When I worry about things, she tells me, "We'll get through this." She is someone with whom I have both laughed and cried. She makes me want to be better than I am, yet she also sees the good that I have now. As any gentleman would endeavor to do, I try to treat her the same way.

From a guy who has struggled with multiple issues of self-esteem, I'll give out a nickel's worth of free advice to any of my single female friends who may be reading this post: If you want to improve your chances of getting asked out more than you do at present, do whatever you can to make the object of your affection feel good about himself. Pay attention to him. Listen. Give him a compliment. Be sincere. When necessary, be direct. Try to be patient with his faults, and focus on his good qualities. If he has a brain on his shoulders, he'll respond in kind and will treat you the same way.

Happy Fathers Day, guys.

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Chicken Big Mac

Sometime last week, I read a headline in the Deseret News announcing that McDonald's would begin serving Big Macs with McChicken patties instead of the regular hamburger patties. Intrigued, I read on.

After the bait-and-switch, I found out that these Big Macs would be served only in foreign places like Indonesia. In the article, their sandwich looked like this:


At the local Mickey D's, I showed them the photo of this sandwich and asked them if they would make one for me here in Utah and in the United States. Because, 'Murica.

I was told that they were not allowed to make me such a dish but that they would gladly sell me both a Big Mac along with two McChicken patties and would let me make it on my own.

This was the result:


Grade: B+. I enjoyed the experience, but I would not really drop whatever I'm doing to eat this sandwich again. I like a spicy McChicken now and then but not on a Big Mac. In my book, it was more of a checked-it-off-the-Bucket-List experience.

Saturday, June 10, 2017

New Glasses

I don't always take selfies . . .


. . . but when I do, it's because I'm trying on new frames and I'm trying to decide which pair I like best when I can actually see myself through lenses that aren't there for display.

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Memorial Day Weekend

It was Memorial Day a couple of weekends ago. Didya hear?

We made the annual family trek up to Smithfield to visit Dad (whose headstone is not yet in place), as well as the final resting places of our grandparents and numerous other ancestors.

One-year-old Graham got up close and personal with the grave of his great-great-great-great-grandfather Alonzo P. Raymond, who served in the Mormon Battalion during the Mexican-American War of the 1840s among many other accomplishments.


After I posted this photo on social media, I came to find out that one of our good family friends is also descended from Grandpa Raymond.

And, when in Rome (or, in this case, Cache Valley), you gotta stop by Gossner's for some cheese curd, ice cream cones, and other delicious dairy products.

So, all in all, it was a wonderful weekend.