Plowman Family Dinner/January 2019

On Sunday, we gathered for monthly family dinner at Mom's home in North Salt Lake. We also celebrated the birthdays of the month, which in January include those of both Jessica and our missionary, Elder Dallin Plowman, now on the other side of the country and serving in the mission field in Maine.

Christian combined Mom's Noah's Ark set with Mike's old Millennium Falcon toy and created I guess what you'd call Solo's Ark:

Thus begins one of our favorite weeks of family get-togethers during the year, followed later on this week with Groundhog Day and the Super Bowl.

You Don't Have to; You Get To

"It doesn't really matter whether you grip the arms of the dentist's chair or let your hands lie in your lap. The drill drills on."
 -C.S. Lewis

Looking back, I don't remember too many of the things I learned specifically in the sixth grade. I remember learning pre-algebra, and I also remember we often had dances with the other classes in our grade. I also became a pretty good Jacks player during recess, because that is the kind of thug life I lived at age 11.

Anyhow, I also remember that we loved our teacher, Mr. Handley. He made learning fun, and he also had a way with words.

Whenever one of my classmates or I didn't want to do something he had the class do, that student would invariably ask, "Do we have to?" His response was always the same: "You don't have to; you get to."

It's taken me decades since then to fully grasp the wisdom in that concept. Much of adulthood (and of life itself) has turned out to be about things I get to do---things that come with the territory of being human. And sometimes, it seems, we get to pass through some truly awful things.

At age 11, back when I naively thought I was invincible, I couldn't have imagined some of the difficult things I would have to go through later in life. Depression, OCD, and more than one form of chronic pain have been tough teachers and unwelcome companions. At times, they have shaken me to my very core.

When I say this, I don't pretend that my difficulties have been more difficult than anyone else's; but they have been challenging for me. A recent visit to bless and pass the sacrament at the care center branch in my stake also reminded me that there are plenty of people in my own neighborhood who live daily with much worse, some of whom may even long for death when it doesn't come. I also write this in the shadow of the death of one of my sibling's fathers-in-law, who endured to the end despite a number of physical challenges he apparently battled the majority of his life.

Though life is undeniably pain, it's fortunately not only pain, too. It is also comprised of a great deal of joy if we will look around for it, even during the bleakest times. In fact, we couldn't know joy were it not for the pain. So much of what I get to do on a daily basis depends on my attitude about things. And through it all, I'm blessed and fortunate to have someone by my side now who sees me for who I am, sees the warts-and-all side of me, and loves me and inspires me regardless.

The trick, at least for me, is found in Chapter 29 of Alma. In it, Alma says:

"I ought to be content with the things which the Lord hath allotted unto me. I ought not to harrow up in my desires the firm decree of a just God, for I know that he granteth unto men according to their desire, whether it be unto death or unto life; yea, I know that he allotteth unto men, yea, decreeth unto them decrees which are unalterable, according to their wills, whether they be unto salvation or unto destruction. Yea, and I know that good and evil have come before all men; he that knoweth not good from evil is blameless; but he that knoweth good and evil, to him it is given according to his desires, whether he desireth good or evil, life or death, joy or remorse of conscience" (Alma 29:3-5).

Ultimately, Alma touches on the most important thing of all: All have seen "good and evil," and all ultimately get to choose what to do about it.

Arbuckle Family Dinner/January 2019

It's not easy being the Fun Aunt and Uncle, but it's well worth the efforts JB and I put into doing it. We helped cement that title at monthly family dinner Sunday by getting our now-13-year-old niece Alex a unicorn Snuggie:

So, I'm kind of giddy about that, and she was very happy with the gift.

The drive out to Grantsville doesn't seem so long anymore. The taco bar was awesome! And the company was even better.

Despitefully Used

The year 2019 hasn't gotten off to such a great start for me. At the moment, I feel downright awful.

For a number of years now (more than a decade, in fact), I've been a contractor for a local business. At some points, it's been my only job; at other times, it's been supplemental work. Over that time, I've had more than one "Will this ever become a full-time possibility?" conversation with the Powers That Be, and always the answer has been that there isn't enough work to warrant that happening.

Nevertheless, when they've asked me to do something, I have done it. When they've needed me in a pinch to meet a publishing deadline, I've dropped what I was doing multiple times to rearrange my schedule, often working around the clock to get my assignments done. When they've said "Jump!" I've asked "how high?" And to boot, I believe I've done so while being paid much less than others doing similar work in my field.

Well, just this past week, the same Powers That Be not only informed me that a whole team has been hired and has for some time now been working full-time doing the same work they used to send my way, but to add insult to injury, they also told me there probably wasn't anything else for me to do for them in the future. Essentially, they have disavowed my existence, not unlike how the government would disavow Tom Cruise were he ever to fail at his impossible mission.

It would be ungentlemanly of me to elaborate any further or to reveal names. This is where I'm at right now. I feel liked a used Kleenex and not in any sense a valued human being or employee.

In His Sermon on the Mount, the Savior spoke of "them which despitefully use you" (Matthew 5:44).

Incidentally, I was there at the Conference Center last month for the First Presidency's Christmas Devotional, just a few dozen rows back from President Russell M. Nelson when he spoke on this very topic:

"(The Lord) gave you and me an unlimited capacity to love. That includes the capacity to love the unlovable and those who not only do not love you but presently persecute you and despitefully use you."

Later on in the same talk, he added:

"Through His infinite Atonement, you can forgive those who have hurt you and who may never accept responsibility for their cruelty to you.

"It is usually easy to forgive one who sincerely and humbly seeks your forgiveness. But the Savior will grant you the ability to forgive anyone who has mistreated you in any way. Then their hurtful acts can no longer canker your soul."

Little did I know at that moment how much I needed to hear those words and to re-read them again tonight. My soul needs some serious un-cankering right now.

There is an old saying that another door opens when one door closes. I believe this is one of those times for me.

What does that mean, exactly? Well, the full phrase in the scripture, now that I read it again, is to "pray for them which despitefully use you." I can start there.

I also happened on this wise counsel from a friend on social media just the other day, and I believe it's the path that I now want to follow:

"Want to 'get back' at people that did wrong by you earlier in life?
1. Forgive them.
2. Don't show them how successful you are; show them how happy you are.
3. Wish them well, mean it and move on.
4. Repeat 1-3 for everyone on your 'wronged me' list."

It's the only path that make sense, and it's something I'm going to work hard at doing right now and throughout the year. It's good advice not only for work relationships but also for every other one, like dealing with exes, misunderstandings between friends, and the bullies who once made my life a living hell.

Gift That Keeps on Giving

JB got me a number of thoughtful Christmas gifts, among them this Twelve Days of Socks Star Wars calendar (pictured). Each, day I get a new pair of SW-themed socks, and it runs from Christmas Day through January 5.

She knows me so well.

New Year's Eve 2019

We rang in the New Year Monday night at Steve's and Summer's home in North Salt Lake, along with their boys Danny and Tanner and also Mom in tow.

Following a delicious dinner, which included panetón, to boot (one of my favorites since my time in Peru), we watched the second half of the Utah/Northwestern Holiday Bowl on TV (a very tough one for the Utes, sadly) and played one of our favorite new board games, Awkward Family Photos.

That all took us till the boys' bedtime, so about 8:30 or so, before we headed home to welcome in the new year in our PJs at home. Yes, we are an old, married couple ... and I wouldn't have things any other way.