That "simple task," you say, huh? Yes, this was part of his counsel to all adult members of the stake. While for married couples in the other wards of our stake this is something very easy to do, it tends to cause a great deal of anxiety and to be a little bit harder for the Misfit Toys to carry out. When it comes to dates, we have no guarantees.
Then again, it's not an impossible task, either. We believe, after all, that there is no commandment given where there is not a way to accomplish it, do we not? (See 1 Nephi 3:7.)
After this counsel was delivered in sacrament meeting, reactions to the go-on-a-date part of the counsel were varied. I heard a number of different people, both male and female, express doubt about being able to do it. I even observed a few of the sisters say in effect that they could comply with all of the requests only if "by some miracle" they were asked on a date.
About the same time, I came across this quote in a book I was reading:
"The Lord will not translate one's good hopes and desires and intentions into works. Each of us must do that for himself." -Spencer W. Kimball
So, how does that apply to dating, then? What can any of us do to improve our chances of getting a date?
I do not share any of this to single out (no pun intended) any one individual nor to make anyone, especially the sisters, feel bad about a lack of dates. Asking out is largely the man's responsibility, after all, and it is a weight we are frequently reminded that we bear when we attend the priesthood session of general conference, firesides, elders quorum meetings, etc. (In other words, we have constant reminders.) It seems like there is plenty of unnecessary guilt enough already to go around for all of us.
Also, I realize that there are many sisters who may read this who are actively trying to do all of the right things and who are striving meet potential marriage partners but who, for whatever reason, are not getting the kind of dates they want, or even a date at all. It's a darn shame, and I recognize that it is. I'm on your side. I want us all to succeed and to be happy. I know that many of the brethren are frustrated, too, as I wrote in a recent post, and a great deal of that frustration stems from things that some of the ladies do that often unintentionally may make them appear to be uninterested or indifferent when this is not actually the case.
Instead of raking anyone over the coals, instead my hope is to provide some sense of encouragement and to offer, from my own humble point-of-view, a few suggestions that help me personally as a male attempting to obtain female companionship. None of us, male or female, is necessarily powerless when it comes to getting a date, and there a number of things we can do to pursue one without waiting around for the phone to ring or the text message alert to chime and an aforementioned "miracle" to occur.
I start tonight with the phrase "being approachable." Getting a date starts with meeting people, and that begins with being approachable.I recently read an LDS Living article in which the writer suggested that singles "must always be on the lookout. We must go places where we would want our future spouse to be; we must be approachable; we must be open to possibilities; and we must do those things consistently" (emphasis added).
I googled the phrase "be approachable," and I came up with this great blog post on the subject for those who may have social anxiety (i.e. "shyness") about meeting members of the opposite sex. Among its simple pieces of advice are to smile and to use eye contact. Doing these simple things can help open doors for you and for me, and even the most shy among us can do them without having to say a word.
When it comes to actually speaking, well, if you feel shy about conversing with the opposite sex, start with a close family member, a trusted friend, or a work colleague you get along well with, and practice the art of conversation. Learn to ask questions and to listen to the other person's replies. Be interested in others and in their opinions, goals, and hobbies.
I recently had a conversation, or at least tried to, with a very pretty sister in my ward whom I'd admired from afar for a while. I found this attempt difficult because she gave only one-word answers when I asked her questions. She didn't seem interested in talking to me at all as a friend, let alone as a potential date. She did not seem "approachable" at all.
Sisters, I know that we can give off this vibe sometimes, too. It goes both ways.
No one can be "approachable," either, who is always at home reading books, or playing video games, or watching sports or sitcoms endlessly on TV, or always sitting by or talking to the same people week in and week out. There is a time and a place for any one of these things in moderation, certainly, but someone who is always doing "something else" or is always following the same exact routine is far less "approachable" than those who show up at meetings and activities and put themselves into places where they can meet new people.
Again, none of these tactics will guarantee you a date. Part of the gospel we embrace includes the concept that we must "cheerfully do all things that lie in our power" (D&C 123:17), which means that we exercise faith by endeavoring to control those things we can control, and then we will see the blessing(s) come in the Lord's due time. But being approachable will multiply your chances at getting a date exponentially, and it will help out anyone socially far more than not being approachable.
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