The Gift of Inclusion

A few years ago, my sister had the keen foresight, before Dad's illness, to have him read and record the Christmas story, as found in second chapter of Luke, in a booth at the studio she where worked. Now that he has passed on, being able to listen to him read that story on Christmas Eve has become a pearl of great price for our family as we celebrate the holiday.

There are many important details in the Christmas story. Among them, I find it interesting that the Savior, who would be so sorely rejected by His own people in His earthly ministry, faced rejection on the very night of His birth. It was the infamous innkeeper on that Christmas Eve over 2,000 years ago who found no room for Joseph, Mary, and their soon-to-be-born child in the inn.

In this month's (December 2019) Ensign, the Ministering Principles article is titled "What the Christmas Story Teaches Us about Inclusion." It includes this concept:

"The innkeeper failed to make room for the Savior, but we don't have to make that mistake! We can make room for the Savior in our hearts by making room for our brothers and sisters at our tables, in our homes, and in our traditions. ...

"What better way to celebrate the Savior than to follow His example of inclusion? Remember that He invites 'all to come unto him and partake of his goodness; and he denieth none that come unto him, black and white, bond and free, male and female; and he remembereth the heathen; and all are alike unto God, both Jew and Gentile' (2 Nephi 26:33). Make room and create inclusion."


Recently, I read a number of Dad's old books now sitting on Mom's bookshelves, one of which is Elder Neal A. Maxwell's All These Things Shall Give Thee Experience. In this book, Elder Maxwell teaches the same concept:

"So often what people need is to be sheltered from the storms of life in the sanctuary of belonging. Such a service cannot be rendered by selfish people, however, because the response of the selfish will always be that there is no room in their inn. Chronic self-concern means that the 'No Vacancy' sign is always posted" (p. 55).

Experiences in both my growing up younger years and my adult years have taught me that the gift of including others is indeed a gift of the spirit, and a rare one at that. How few truly possess the ability to lift up the hands that hang low, to include others within their spheres of influence.

Growing up here in Our Lovely Deseret, I found it more common to be excluded than included by my peers. I wish I could say that has changed as an adult, but truth be told, it is not really any different. I look at the past and the present and see far more acquaintances than friends. It is not from a lack of trying. When people and/or groups continually show indifference to your efforts, it ends up not being worth the effort in the long run.

This is not to say I am lonely or entirely without friends. I'm just saying that life's experiences teach you who your friends are, largely by who shows up for things and who wants to be a part of things. The Lord has blessed me with incredible friends. They have been answers to specific prayers.

There will always be those who will exclude, I suppose. For all I know, they will go on excluding into their days in the old folks home. The thing is, I can't do anything about them. People are gonna do what they're gonna do. Their circles will stay the way they have always been.

This Christmas, and going into the new year, I am asking for the gift of inclusion. I am hoping to renew my efforts to minister to those in my family, my neighborhood, my ward, my workplace, and my community. Heaven knows there are those who need it.

Light It Up

Previously on Paco Nation, I've written some of my thoughts on the mid-singles fireside message delivered by Elder Dallin H. and Sister Kristen Oaks back in August. Though this was four months ago, I am still reflecting on both things I learned and things I've pondered about from time to time.

One item I do not I believe I addressed fully at the time of my initial blog post on this talk was the topic of fear. At that time, Elder Oaks spoke of a conversation he had with someone who had fulfilled a Church calling to minister to the inmates at one of the LDS branches at a local correctional facility (AKA "jail"). The lesson that he taught us from this experience, as I recall, was: "There are more shackles on singles in the Church than there are on these prisoners, all because of fear." (Those were my notes from that night, so I may be paraphrasing the exact quote.)

The question that I am then led to, and which I put to my fellow mid-singles is: What, exactly, are you afraid of?

Certainly, many of us fear being vulnerable and putting ourselves "out there" in pursuit of a relationship only to fall flat on our faces yet again. For some of us mid-singles, this might feel like it has happened not only hundreds but instead thousands of times by this point. This feeling of frustration creates a term I call Rejection Burnout. (Don't worry, single friends in your teens and/or early twenties; you still have plenty of chances for heartbreak ahead of you.)

I'm only kidding about that last comment. Partly.

Others, I believe, fear not rejection but actually fear being successful. In other words, they've become used to being independent rather than what would be a better option: becoming "interdependent" with another.

"Interdependence is the kind of life the Lord desires for us," Elder Oaks taught.

Further, he added: "We have to be careful when we are single and we don't have a spouse to steady us, that we are not unduly influenced by worldly messages. For example, the world seeks and honors the accumulation of money, property, car, home travel, graduation before marriage, etc."

If I understood the message correctly, being successful, then, might put a damper on some of these pursuits.

In my own brainstorming, I've come up with a few other possible fears, and they include: social anxiety; self-esteem challenges; and health or financial difficulties.

If there are other fears I've failed to include here, well, please include them in the comments. I'd love to hear your point-of-view. Or talk to me about them in person over a froyo (your treat, of course!).

In addition, we singles, at this time of year, are bombarded with messages about how wonderful and great it is to be in love, and it comes in many forms. It's the songs about riding in one-horse open sleighs, letting it snow outside while staying indoors to cuddle, or going outdoors in the cold and getting married by snowmen acting as wedding officiators (which is, apparently, a thing). It's the countless Hallmark movies (which, admittedly, are one of my guilty pleasures) about people finding that special someone at long last under the mistletoe or in some other filmed-in-Canada location made to look like a setting somewhere in the United States. It's also possibly in the form of seeing others who have already been granted the blessing we desire to have, who get to enjoy it with their spouses, children, pets, etc. All of these can lead to some sort of envy.

In the movie Roxanne (which is not a Christmas movie, though I think the sentiment is applicable), C.D. Bales, he of the big nose, portrayed by Steve Martin, laments:

"Sometimes I take a walk at night, and I see couples walking, holding hands, and I look at them, and I think: 'Why not me?' Then I catch my shadow on the wall."

Maybe it's not a "shadow on the wall" that causes you and me this grief but (X) worry or concern, (Y) health or financial challenge, or (Z) other issue entirely out of our control.

What I'm getting at with this, and why I bring it up during the Christmas season, to boot, is that the angels who visited the shepherds and other witnesses of the birth of the Christ child began their proclamations with two simple but powerful words:

"Fear not."

"I don't have the answers," types a single guy wondering about these very things in his own life. But, as for myself, I've committed this holiday season to focusing on controlling some of the things I do have control over, and one of them is to do my level best to follow the Church's "Light the World" campaign, which is a wonderful initiative. It encourages us to perform one act of service or kindness every day in December. (But, if you can, why limit it to just one?) I've already tried a few things that were out of my comfort zone, and I'm looking to try a few others in the days ahead, including anonymously done deeds for family, friends, and neighbors.

If you're feeling down and out this Christmas season, whatever the reason(s), I invite you to join in on the fun and to see what miracles, small or large, occur in your life as a result.

I don't understand many of the reasons behind my own challenges right now, and I surely don't understand yours (although I'm willing to try), but I join with the prophet Nephi in proclaiming that "I know (Heavenly Father) loveth his children" (1 Nephi 11:17). And as Tiny Tim observed, I believe He does and will "bless us, every one" in ways we may not now expect as we strive to serve His children in whichever way His Spirit prompts us to do so.